child to adult to child....

We do come full circle if we live our lives to the end. My mother is going to be 90 in April. Her hearing aids were just whistling like crazy. That high pitched squeal that drills its way into your head and rattles each tooth. It rests at the base of your brain and builds pressure until you think your head is going to leave your shoulders and go flying off like a rapidly deflating balloon!!!

"Mom, please turn your hearing aids down, they are making noise."
"Well I guess I just shouldn't wear them"

Anything that start with "mom would you please" always ends with some sort of pouty answer. "I wish God would take me" is always a good one. Mom's other purposeful communication involves telling visitors that she hasn't gone somewhere. "I haven't been to church for almost a year". See the last 3-4 times I asked she said no, too tired or whatever. So I stopped asking.

Food is in the fridge and "areas" have been designated (mostly by her) for food items. I'll fill it up with good food and it rots, "oh I didn't know I could eat that". She has always been told when items were prepped for a party so why she continues this is unknown. I always tell her it is her choice what she chooses to eat.

I do not understand why she chooses to live her life like this. This should have been a time for us to be close but she put up barriers at every pass, chooses to be non-communicative. She loves "the fight", has always chosen to do battle for some slight, real or imagined. She loves to write to companies and complain about their products. Then she gets freebies, coupons or whatever and lives on telling that story to everyone she sees, many times more than once. I can not imagine what the thrill is. While I do not shrink from conflict, I do not seek it out.

Life is too short to always be negative. My life is so good except for having her live with me. You see the joke is that everyone else died so they would not get stuck with her. My brother, Billie, died when he was 18, me 10, cancer of the bone. He was mentally unbalanced so it may have been for the best. You see my parents were first cousins, something that is not allowed for good reason. My other brother, Matt, died when I was in my early 30's. Mom found him dead, face down on the living room couch. He was "retired" from the Airforce and was pretty much not doing anything, living at home. When my nephews cleaned out his stuff they found child pornagraphy. My sister was born before my parents met. Her dad was never involved in her life and you would never know that she was not my father's daughter. She died after my brother. She was cool, little drinking problem but a great person overall. We'll save dad for another day. I loved my dad.