That is Mabel's newest thing lately...."well that was a really nice dinner, for a change". Like a change from WHAT?? Does she get slop on a regular basis?? I know people who would give their right arm to live and eat here. She had her turkey dinner for the holiday, including homemade gravy. Left over turkey was divided into a broth based soup and a tomato based soup, plus she had some creamy roasted veggie soup, not to mention ground turkey sandwiches (2) and Pasta with broccoli, turkey and Alfredo sauce. We also had a fish dish or two in there and Chicken and dumplings. Today she had artichoke ravioli with a pureed veggie/tomato sauce (great way to bulk up your tomato sauce and get extra veggies into fussy folks).
Let me add that I am sick as I can be a still not be hospitalized. I am wheezing and coughing so hard I can barely move. At night I have horrendous sweats, chills and basically am driving the dog to distraction. My sinus hurts and my ears are ringing. Yet I dragged my ass to the store this morning and managed to cook a few dishes today so Mabel would have her foods.
She is lucky her head is still attached. I am considering putting her in her wheelchair and leaving her on a street corner with the following sign:
Will keep my mouth shut and appreciate my good fortune "for a change".
PS; just a reminder that Mabel NEVER gives any input that would indicate what she would like.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Not Your Mama's Green Bean Casserole
Not into amounts here just the basic idea:
Couple packages of fresh green (or mixed) beans- steamed
Crimini Mushrooms, at least one standard package, sliced
Spicy Pecan Vinegar (here in San Diego you can get it at Great News in PB)
Oil
1/2 thinly sliced onion
1/2 cup flour, salt and pepper to taste, garlic powder to taste
Heat some canola or other healthy frying oil in a pan, just 1/2 inch or so. Mix the flour and seasonings and toss with the thinly sliced onions. When the oil hits 375 (or a little fleck of flour sizzles) place the onions (shake off the excess flour) into the oil, don't overcrowd the pan. Remove when golden to a paper towel to suck off more oil. The onions are thin so don't get the oil too hot or turn your back, they will cook fast.
Next, I saute the mushrooms in olive/and or a nutty or truffle flavored oil, salt and pepper at end of saute when most of fluid has gone away. Splash about 1-2 tblsp of the vinegar and continue to saute till the mushrooms are browned and most of the liquid is gone. Toss with the steamed green beans. I did have some wonderful black truffle cream that I added (1Tbsp) to the dish at this time. I brought mine home from Italy but you could probably find it at a gourmet store as well.
Place in a pretty shallow serving dish and top with the onion rings. Definitely NOT your mama's Green Bean Casserole!
Couple packages of fresh green (or mixed) beans- steamed
Crimini Mushrooms, at least one standard package, sliced
Spicy Pecan Vinegar (here in San Diego you can get it at Great News in PB)
Oil
1/2 thinly sliced onion
1/2 cup flour, salt and pepper to taste, garlic powder to taste
Heat some canola or other healthy frying oil in a pan, just 1/2 inch or so. Mix the flour and seasonings and toss with the thinly sliced onions. When the oil hits 375 (or a little fleck of flour sizzles) place the onions (shake off the excess flour) into the oil, don't overcrowd the pan. Remove when golden to a paper towel to suck off more oil. The onions are thin so don't get the oil too hot or turn your back, they will cook fast.
Next, I saute the mushrooms in olive/and or a nutty or truffle flavored oil, salt and pepper at end of saute when most of fluid has gone away. Splash about 1-2 tblsp of the vinegar and continue to saute till the mushrooms are browned and most of the liquid is gone. Toss with the steamed green beans. I did have some wonderful black truffle cream that I added (1Tbsp) to the dish at this time. I brought mine home from Italy but you could probably find it at a gourmet store as well.
Place in a pretty shallow serving dish and top with the onion rings. Definitely NOT your mama's Green Bean Casserole!
Monday, December 03, 2007
Long Time
Wow, November went by without a whisper! I was busy with MD visits and all. I did not have to deal with Thanksgiving as I was working. I like my job, I love my 2 mile commute and all that. I am now sitting here waiting to see if I get a job with the State. Part of me would like to delay it for 6 months, take my vacation while working at API. Another chance will come up and I can re-take the "exam" in February and improve my score.
I have just had a frustrating encounter with my mother. She is in super whiny mode today. She continues to fail to communicate with me in a constructive manner. Someone asked me recently how she was when she was younger. She was a great communicator then, screamer is more like it. She would stand in the kitchen and scream for my father to fix, do, take care of something. She never had a difficult time telling us kids (mostly just me by that time) what to do and how to do it (folding towels comes to mind, not to mention other cleaning tasks). You simply did it "Mabel's Way", nothing else was acceptable.
The encounter started when I called her to lunch ( always get it on the table by noon so why I have to "fetch" her I don't understand). I had purchased a rolling cart to put stuff from the pantry on so she could reach it more easily. I told her it was an early Christmas gift, instead of "Thank You", or "How nice" I got the old, "I don't know if I'll be here by then" (I'm sure that has crossed her lips more than 1000 times since moving in with me ELEVEN YEARS ago!!). She thinks she is going to die cause sometimes her vision is bad....hmmmm, maybe she should go for the cataract surgery that the one eye doc recommended. Now one thing is usually not enough so we also got a lovely psychosomatic fable that the small cut she received on her head from a fall over a year ago is morphing into some deadly growth???? Truthfully the sci-fi status of this complaint befuddles my brain. As usual she wants me to look at it, there is nothing there. Funny but she quit complaining of her scalp itching when she quit perming her hair...hmmmm!
I can't believe that she is so frightened of death. Most folks I know are really ready to call it quits by the time they get to this stage. They are accepting it. She prays and lights her candles but yet she has a severe fear of death. I am sure if she had to go to the hospital she would tell them, once more, to do everything possible to keep her alive. I am not ready to die but I know it is inevitable. It is inevitable that she will have another fall, maybe it will be one where she finally sustains a significant injury, something she has avoided in her old age. I hope I can meet these challenges with courage and acceptance.
I have just had a frustrating encounter with my mother. She is in super whiny mode today. She continues to fail to communicate with me in a constructive manner. Someone asked me recently how she was when she was younger. She was a great communicator then, screamer is more like it. She would stand in the kitchen and scream for my father to fix, do, take care of something. She never had a difficult time telling us kids (mostly just me by that time) what to do and how to do it (folding towels comes to mind, not to mention other cleaning tasks). You simply did it "Mabel's Way", nothing else was acceptable.
The encounter started when I called her to lunch ( always get it on the table by noon so why I have to "fetch" her I don't understand). I had purchased a rolling cart to put stuff from the pantry on so she could reach it more easily. I told her it was an early Christmas gift, instead of "Thank You", or "How nice" I got the old, "I don't know if I'll be here by then" (I'm sure that has crossed her lips more than 1000 times since moving in with me ELEVEN YEARS ago!!). She thinks she is going to die cause sometimes her vision is bad....hmmmm, maybe she should go for the cataract surgery that the one eye doc recommended. Now one thing is usually not enough so we also got a lovely psychosomatic fable that the small cut she received on her head from a fall over a year ago is morphing into some deadly growth???? Truthfully the sci-fi status of this complaint befuddles my brain. As usual she wants me to look at it, there is nothing there. Funny but she quit complaining of her scalp itching when she quit perming her hair...hmmmm!
I can't believe that she is so frightened of death. Most folks I know are really ready to call it quits by the time they get to this stage. They are accepting it. She prays and lights her candles but yet she has a severe fear of death. I am sure if she had to go to the hospital she would tell them, once more, to do everything possible to keep her alive. I am not ready to die but I know it is inevitable. It is inevitable that she will have another fall, maybe it will be one where she finally sustains a significant injury, something she has avoided in her old age. I hope I can meet these challenges with courage and acceptance.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Sherman's March....
I mentioned this morning that this is what it feels like to live in San Diego County this week. First there was the Harris fire. It was tucked in the low edge of the east county , down near the border. Sunday and Monday it was slow, not so threatening although the first life lost was there.
The second fire was Witch Creek, a little north and East of the town of Ramona. On Sunday it was just a toddler, by Tuesday it would reach 165,000 acres, over 500 homes left in ash, 250-300 damaged, commercial losses over 100 units.
As with the Atlanta population and Sherman, Californians fled, over 320,000 people evacuated, nearly 8,000 people sleeping in the stadium, thousands more strewn about the county in churches, schools and the fair grounds. Evacuations centers listed as animal friendly.....large animals, small animals. What do you choose to take with you??? What is your life outlined by?
My mother, in her eternal wisdom, has the "someone isn't doing their job" concept going. I can not deal with that attitude. The winds in town have been gentle compared to what is out there, reporters are nearly knocked on their asses, flames shoot sideways and ash flies for 1/2 mile or more before tucking under the eaves of the next home to go down or the bed of dried pine needles.
Today many people are being allowed to go home, 1000's will have nothing to pick up but a few broken dishes or tarnished metal. I was there when my friend Noreen returned to her home after the Cedar Fire, that is all we saw.
This is the view from my back yard as the Harris fire creeps into Spring Valley. There are mountains of dried pine needles back there from the winds we had in the city. We are getting help from all over the country and the weather is less windy though still dry and hot. I am lucky to be where I am, I know that there is enough between me and those fires that are creating that smoke bank to keep me safe. I sent my $$ to the Red Cross. The true numbers of acreage and homes loss will not be known completely for some time, we will rebuild though, and hopefully learn some lessons from this.
But maybe not....2 smaller fires were started from morons who threw cigarette butts out their car window.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Never enough
I try so hard to make my mother's life good. She resides in the master bedroom. I cook her awesome meals. I clean, shop, everything. She has the kitchen totally arranged to meet her needs; microwave on the table along with 2 small bottle of water, banana bowl, medications, individual coffee mates, sugar and dried fruit, as well as her high intensity lamp. I don't sit in the kitchen. I would like to but I can't, the wheel chair is not my idea of a kitchen seat.
Recently her difficulty at getting up from the wheel chair had led to many complaints about the floor being too slippery. She can't ever admit to the fact that she is weak, that she wears inappropriate footwear. So after some heavy thinking I came up with the idea of using the spray adhesive to glue patches of inner tube to the front soles of her slippers ( remember this one style of slippers is all she will wear). She wore them right away but did not really give me any feedback. Then today she is like, "do you have some more inner tube that I can put onto another pair of slippers?" Like she could do this job......yeah right. She knows she can't do it but she will not ask me outright. "when you change the cat litter make sure you take the empty bag out" or to the grandparents on Sunday, "I never go anywhere except my foot doctor" ( I am still being punished for not taking her to lunch that day because I was fucking SICK!)
I think she wants something as she was asking me what my schedule was for next week. She can't just tell me what she needs, that would be too easy. I am sure the cold weather complaints will start soon as she lounges about in her silky, sleeveless nighty and her threadbare bathrobe. The bathrobe was purchased for her by my brother before he died so it has taken on the honor associated with things such as the Holy Grail. We have bought many robes since but none ever satisfy her and once the green ghost is cleaned it is back on her, even though it is thin as can be thereby allowing for complaint of cold if the temperature in her room is below 78-80.
As she walked past me after her lunch I had the scissors in my hand, ready to start the slipper repair and I wondered how I would do in jail...........
Recently her difficulty at getting up from the wheel chair had led to many complaints about the floor being too slippery. She can't ever admit to the fact that she is weak, that she wears inappropriate footwear. So after some heavy thinking I came up with the idea of using the spray adhesive to glue patches of inner tube to the front soles of her slippers ( remember this one style of slippers is all she will wear). She wore them right away but did not really give me any feedback. Then today she is like, "do you have some more inner tube that I can put onto another pair of slippers?" Like she could do this job......yeah right. She knows she can't do it but she will not ask me outright. "when you change the cat litter make sure you take the empty bag out" or to the grandparents on Sunday, "I never go anywhere except my foot doctor" ( I am still being punished for not taking her to lunch that day because I was fucking SICK!)
I think she wants something as she was asking me what my schedule was for next week. She can't just tell me what she needs, that would be too easy. I am sure the cold weather complaints will start soon as she lounges about in her silky, sleeveless nighty and her threadbare bathrobe. The bathrobe was purchased for her by my brother before he died so it has taken on the honor associated with things such as the Holy Grail. We have bought many robes since but none ever satisfy her and once the green ghost is cleaned it is back on her, even though it is thin as can be thereby allowing for complaint of cold if the temperature in her room is below 78-80.
As she walked past me after her lunch I had the scissors in my hand, ready to start the slipper repair and I wondered how I would do in jail...........
Monday, October 08, 2007
Winning the Lottery
There was some birthday card-saying-thing recently that basically said "if your dreams are small they will be granted". I dream of winning the Lotto and fantasize about what I would do with all that money but truthfully I know that it will never happen to me. But in keeping with the small things concept I believe that my life has become the jackpot.
I had a great time with my 4 closest friends on Friday night (actual birthday). Then I had more folks over on Saturday. I feel so wonderful inside when everyone is in my house, kicking back, talking and talking (and eating and eating....). Watching the love and relationships that exist is so wonderful and fulfilling. On Sunday the grandparents were here and had fun although Mabel did cause some stress it was not the focal point.
Tonight I went back to work at API and was presented with an Ice Cream Cake, sung Happy Birthday to and received a stunning Orchid all dressed in a lovely pot. Everyone signed the card and my supervisor made me a very personal gift (a laniard is a break-away beaded chain to hang your badge on). I have worked there for 4 months and this was way more than I had expected.
I would love to be skinny and in perfect health, but that is probably just a bit more attainable than the Lotto. I have a dog who loves me unconditionally, people respect and care for me at work. I have friends who will babysit the old girl so I can take trips. I have a daughter and a son-in-law who are intelligent and self supporting and kind. I have a home that is warm and comforting and has "me" in every (almost every) room. I guess on the grand scheme of things I am pretty much a winner, blessed, fortunate. Whatever word you would want to use, it all seems to result in contentment.
I had a great time with my 4 closest friends on Friday night (actual birthday). Then I had more folks over on Saturday. I feel so wonderful inside when everyone is in my house, kicking back, talking and talking (and eating and eating....). Watching the love and relationships that exist is so wonderful and fulfilling. On Sunday the grandparents were here and had fun although Mabel did cause some stress it was not the focal point.
Tonight I went back to work at API and was presented with an Ice Cream Cake, sung Happy Birthday to and received a stunning Orchid all dressed in a lovely pot. Everyone signed the card and my supervisor made me a very personal gift (a laniard is a break-away beaded chain to hang your badge on). I have worked there for 4 months and this was way more than I had expected.
I would love to be skinny and in perfect health, but that is probably just a bit more attainable than the Lotto. I have a dog who loves me unconditionally, people respect and care for me at work. I have friends who will babysit the old girl so I can take trips. I have a daughter and a son-in-law who are intelligent and self supporting and kind. I have a home that is warm and comforting and has "me" in every (almost every) room. I guess on the grand scheme of things I am pretty much a winner, blessed, fortunate. Whatever word you would want to use, it all seems to result in contentment.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
One more year...
Yeah, 51 of them total. They go by so fast and this year there have been so many changes, things that I thought were stable. The new job has been awesome for my current life situation. I feel like I can be here for mom and still have some personal time and I get paid well. I will eventually want a job with weekends and evenings off, holidays cause family and friends do come first.
When Mom talks about some friend of hers that is 95 I cringe. She loses more and more of her abilities everyday and she will not do Physical Therapy. She refuses to participate in effective pain control. I told her today that I hoped I would age better than she does, she thinks it is just about the physical stuff but for her it is communication, or lack of it. She has no idea about others health and focuses only on her own, she has always been that way.
Having been told by the audiologist that mom's hearing is not as bad as she makes it seem I wonder what the motivation is for sitting there and ignoring me when I tell her things. These days it is either that or pure forgetfulness. I tell her about plans for the weekend and then she acts all surprised when my friends show up. When Hank and Mary came over mom could only complain about the slippery floors and the brakes and wheels on the w/c, she can't say that the problem is with her, with her insistence on a certain type of useless slipper and the unwillingness to try something else. She can't admit that she should be doing PT or that just maybe we should be looking at other options for her living arrangements (I would most likely have to look for that second job...).
Last night the little girl next door came over and she spent time in with Mabel, she actually likes hanging around and talking to her. Mom was doing her side door complaints about Alex being so talkative, "wound up", "she talks so softly". Pat and Dara both did their duty with her, Melissa said she had had enough when she got her the tea and did not do any visit last night. It is a sad life, one I hope to avoid. I hope that I can say to someone....my cataracts are getting bad I can't tell what color that is (today it was... look how faded the trunk is, that section of the trunk was against the wall, not exposed to sunlight..maybe it's your vision mom). I want to control my pain and not have it be the centerpiece of conversation. I want to make people smile and I want them to want to see me, not avoid me.
Overall it was a nice birthday and I should be so very happy that I have just one source major stress but it is a large pile.........
Monday, October 01, 2007
Mexican Masacre
It was terrible! Such carnage!
Actually it was fabulous, Enchiladas Del Mar and a lovely Margarita (not pizza)! Sitting in the open air on a lovely California day, I was more than a little relaxed. Such a terrible way to spend a Monday off.......
Happy Days
Well this was my buddy for an hour today. I totally enjoy going to Grossmont just to kick around. You leave your license and a credit card at the desk and they give you some cute furry little creature to play with for an hour. This guy will grow to about 30# and does not shed, he did love to chew and sniff though!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
How much is too much??
How much IS too much?? Somethings can be easily measured; eating a half gallon carton of ice cream at one sitting is definitely too much. Staying in the sun until you are blistered and peeling is too much. But relaxation??? Does it become counter productive or does it increase productivity?
When I was in Italy last year without a pager/cell, being chauffeured about, meals to please, I was VERY relaxed. I did not think that this would be possible on this side and living with Mabel but I do feel like I am living a really good life right now. Last night I was out to Thai food with my friends, tonight we have had wine and cheese at the Hillcrest Wine Steals (Italian wines at that). Maybe it is all that Italian fermentation but I feel so good! Not only that, but I have an appointment for a facial this weekend. I never treat myself like this!! I suddenly realize that I deserve it! I work with people who say "Thanks Deb" and really appreciate my work ethic so I think it just overflows into my own sense of self worth (I have never been shy or one to hide the fact that I have a natural instinct/smarts but to have it appreciated is beyond great!!)
insert^ BIG HUGE SIGH!^
When I was in Italy last year without a pager/cell, being chauffeured about, meals to please, I was VERY relaxed. I did not think that this would be possible on this side and living with Mabel but I do feel like I am living a really good life right now. Last night I was out to Thai food with my friends, tonight we have had wine and cheese at the Hillcrest Wine Steals (Italian wines at that). Maybe it is all that Italian fermentation but I feel so good! Not only that, but I have an appointment for a facial this weekend. I never treat myself like this!! I suddenly realize that I deserve it! I work with people who say "Thanks Deb" and really appreciate my work ethic so I think it just overflows into my own sense of self worth (I have never been shy or one to hide the fact that I have a natural instinct/smarts but to have it appreciated is beyond great!!)
insert^ BIG HUGE SIGH!^
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Debbie's Day Off......
I love this. Working a standard hospital shift (one day off during the week and every other w/e) plus working the PM shift has simply opened up my life for ME! Not all my friends like it cause they go "what's your day off? We want to....." I'm good with missing the occaisonal group outing, I don't feel left out. The fact that I no longer have to take my w/e off to prepare for the workweek has made me a new woman.
We started the morning with a ride to Fiesta Island...soon to be a thing of the past. The Island is going the way of most beach front property....develop, develop and develop. Dogs will no longer be allowed, parking lots will be paved and commercialism will reign. PB is not very dog friendly anyway, not like OB and La Mesa. Sammie was so happy to be there, she went right into the water without even a concern that it was moving! She tried to play with some new friends but they were a tad younger. Still, Hide and Seek can be played successfully if you are cunning enough.
I came home and put Mom's lunch together, did the dishes and showered. Then I took myself out to see the "Nanny Diaries", very cute movie but I am very excited about Jodie Foster's upcoming movie and hope to get there Monday. After the movie I went to the pet store and signed in to walk..."Killer". Yeah, he really tried to kill my shoe and my purse. He sprawled on the grass and I believe he was trying to hump my arm at one point. He is on sale, under $500. He is not your typical "cute puppy" and a bit hyper, so his uniqueness is missed by people. He definitely will require a patient owner. The puppies there do look pretty healthy and I think the outdoor time they get with people is a positive impact for them.
Now I will chill out for the rest of my day, mom will be getting up soon and have her dinner and then back to her cave. I hear those shrimp calling my name.........
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Sundays and more.....
Patience is a virtue they say (not sure who THEY are but I love old sayings) This is a patient girl. She knows that she will eventually be getting some of what Hank is working on. Mary sets up a treat bowl so that Sammie doesn't suffer during the 5-10 minutes of "waiting".
We talk about everything during Sunday bfast. Hank and Mary are of the mindset that when ones pet dies, you automatically replace it. I mean, would they replace Joyce?? Would I replace Jessica? I would not dream of replacing Sammie just because she passes away. She is a unique being. I am also anxious to be at a less encumbered time of my life (at times overly so). I can go nowhere without obtaining a "babysitter"and making meals ahead, etc. Even at that there is the whining and negative comments before I leave and when I come back. I long for freedom, for now it comes in little things like bfast at H&Ms or shopping and dinner with Pat and the girls.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Hell
That is where I am living right now! For the past 3 days it has been 99-100 when I got into the Prius to go to work, 79-81 when I come home just before midnight. Today though was truly wicked. We are not talking the dry heat (humidity in the single digits) of Fresno or the desert....we are talking 35-45% humidity. Today was a balmy 108 per the weather service, 110 on the back patio in the shade!! I did get laundry done but Sam never made it to the park today cause it was already roasting by the time I got up.
Hopefully it will drop about 20 degrees by late week.......I am truly melting!!!
Hopefully it will drop about 20 degrees by late week.......I am truly melting!!!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Long Walks and Gas
Actually it is two subjects and not what you think. I was at the park this morning and this woman said, "you walk so far..."?! I am like it is less than 1/2 mile to the park, when we get there we goof off and might even just sit and watch nature (more so since I work PMs). It is odd to think that people think it is a big deal to walk 1/2-1 mile for nothing.....I don't get it. When Sam and I were both younger we might walk 4-6 miles at a time. Americans are truly lazy and getting lazier all the time.
The second part does have a connection to the first and that is gasoline. When I had the Sport Trac I would need 18-22 gallons of gas 2x week and I thought nothing of it. Then I got the Prius and I would get gas one every 7-10 days and just less than 10 gallons. Now I work just a bit over 2 miles from home and go to a gym that is either 2-3 miles from my house and a few other fun trips. Now I get gas every 3 weeks, still just 9-10 gallons. Helix High kids go to the gym that is a half mile walk from my house but when school is out I like to go there. If it were a Traders instead of Vons close to my house then I would never drive to the grocery store, just walk with my little push cart.....
Now some days my knees scream but overall I think it is good for them to exercise and as soon as my insurance kicks back in I am getting new films and running off to the Ortho to see if we can do something less than a total replacement. But every day that I can get up and walk and take care of my own life, it is a good day.
Time for lunch!
The second part does have a connection to the first and that is gasoline. When I had the Sport Trac I would need 18-22 gallons of gas 2x week and I thought nothing of it. Then I got the Prius and I would get gas one every 7-10 days and just less than 10 gallons. Now I work just a bit over 2 miles from home and go to a gym that is either 2-3 miles from my house and a few other fun trips. Now I get gas every 3 weeks, still just 9-10 gallons. Helix High kids go to the gym that is a half mile walk from my house but when school is out I like to go there. If it were a Traders instead of Vons close to my house then I would never drive to the grocery store, just walk with my little push cart.....
Now some days my knees scream but overall I think it is good for them to exercise and as soon as my insurance kicks back in I am getting new films and running off to the Ortho to see if we can do something less than a total replacement. But every day that I can get up and walk and take care of my own life, it is a good day.
Time for lunch!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
outside looking in....
I love to watch people. It makes me a more observant person overall and I am trying to learn to be more open and accepting. When "people watching" it is important to remember you are seeing something that could represent that person's life, their fears, their dreams.
I am engaged at the park these mornings as I watch this mexican gentleman come with his children. They come early for school, parking their van in the lot at the bottom of the park. The 3 boys fall out of the van immediately. Dad gets out slower. The kids are running up the hill speaking in English to each other and Spanish to their dad. They always go into the ladies side of the restrooms with their toothbrushes and paste in hand. There is laughter and tapping of the plastic brushes against the sink., they exit the bathroom spitting the foamy residue on the sidewalk to see what "designs" they come up with!
Who is this dad? These kids are happy, obviously they take care of their teeth...... why do they come to the park before school for this? Are they homeless? Are they illegal? Does the mother work nights and dad is just getting them out so she can sleep?
In the hospital I see people who should have had everything in life, yet a tip into the bottle or the drug store is devastating to them. They lose everything, family, home, health.
Seeing clips of peoples lives tells you little, we can never understand what it is like to live that person's life. We can never know what devils chase them, we can never know why they are where they are at that moment we see them. We can only guide our own lives, support our own dreams, fight our own battles.
I am engaged at the park these mornings as I watch this mexican gentleman come with his children. They come early for school, parking their van in the lot at the bottom of the park. The 3 boys fall out of the van immediately. Dad gets out slower. The kids are running up the hill speaking in English to each other and Spanish to their dad. They always go into the ladies side of the restrooms with their toothbrushes and paste in hand. There is laughter and tapping of the plastic brushes against the sink., they exit the bathroom spitting the foamy residue on the sidewalk to see what "designs" they come up with!
Who is this dad? These kids are happy, obviously they take care of their teeth...... why do they come to the park before school for this? Are they homeless? Are they illegal? Does the mother work nights and dad is just getting them out so she can sleep?
In the hospital I see people who should have had everything in life, yet a tip into the bottle or the drug store is devastating to them. They lose everything, family, home, health.
Seeing clips of peoples lives tells you little, we can never understand what it is like to live that person's life. We can never know what devils chase them, we can never know why they are where they are at that moment we see them. We can only guide our own lives, support our own dreams, fight our own battles.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Garlic Cooker
I don't usually buy something for one task but this was a great idea and I do love garlic! However I have learned that this little darling is quite useful for roasting other veggies without turning on a big oven, good for one or two people, not a family though.
Today I diced up a small Japanese eggplant, shallots, seasoned with a spicy herb mix, garlic powder, s/p and oil. You put it in the cooker and push the button and leave it for about 26 minutes.
I smeared the cooked mixture in a tortilla, topped with cheese, cilantro and diced heirloom tomato. Fold the tortilla and brush with oil (I used a flavored oil for more punch) and place in a hot grill pan, regular pan, flip and enjoy. Yummy!!!
Real Fun!!
It is so much fun to get paid every other week! And to get really reasonable money for what I do! Today I slid $1000 into my savings...not something that I have done other than after my income tax return comes in.
Not only that, I already have a week's vacation time on the books at API!! As soon as September 1 hits and I know that I do not need to pay for COBRA I will be one very happy camper!! You see I stocked up on my meds and I have such a good relationship with a pharmacist that I could easily trade him a tray of Pecan Pie Bars for some Levoxyl, Benicar or Lipitor!! All I need to do is avoid injury!
Yee Ha!
Not only that, I already have a week's vacation time on the books at API!! As soon as September 1 hits and I know that I do not need to pay for COBRA I will be one very happy camper!! You see I stocked up on my meds and I have such a good relationship with a pharmacist that I could easily trade him a tray of Pecan Pie Bars for some Levoxyl, Benicar or Lipitor!! All I need to do is avoid injury!
Yee Ha!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Contentment
This is something that I realize, more and more as I age, is not an easy thing to achieve. I care for the mentally ill in my current job. I see people who have gone all out for their goals, things that they thought would make them happy. They've had gastric bypass, plastic surgery, hair implants and make-up or hair color. They try to find themselves in an image. Others may be the overachiever, constantly on the go, always improving. Some are happy as they are, impairments and all, like the developmentally disabled that I have served in the past.
Are the people going to school, carrying large and worrisome loans, working OT or 2 jobs to make ends meet, are they content? When that 55 year old attorney looks at herself in the mirror and sees that the creases are returning and her make-up is caked in them, is she content? Some of them cover their emotions in chemical dependency, some are CD because it was what they know, parents, significant others. We had one this month who had the bypass surgery but definitely was not maintaining her weight loss, her husband was leaving her and she was in for detoxification, detox. She had an old back injury and had become quite used to opiate pain relief, muscle relaxants and alcohol. Through her detox she asked for pain meds, cajoling and needling the doctors and nurses for more, more all the time more. They finally discharged her after stopping the detox and referred her back to the pain clinic. She died less than a week later from an overdose of pain killers mixed with some alcohol. She had tried so many ways to make her life something more, to gain contentment. Should we have known how depressed she was? They say it was accidental, no note or anything.
I think contentment is not something you have every day, I think it is moments, periods of time and events that give us contentment. In the mornings when I walk the dog and listen to the birds and smell the grass, I am content. When I have friends over and they are having fun, eating and enjoying my food, I am content. When I have had a good night at work, clean the house or take a picture that comes out just like I wanted, I am content.
I have those wild and crazy dreams.....winning the Lotto, looking at nice houses that I can't afford. But those are "wild and crazy" things, not real life and I know that. I can day dream and then return to real life and real life expectations. My needs are met, I have great friends, fabulous family, I have a lovely home and a rewarding job. I have contentment.
Are the people going to school, carrying large and worrisome loans, working OT or 2 jobs to make ends meet, are they content? When that 55 year old attorney looks at herself in the mirror and sees that the creases are returning and her make-up is caked in them, is she content? Some of them cover their emotions in chemical dependency, some are CD because it was what they know, parents, significant others. We had one this month who had the bypass surgery but definitely was not maintaining her weight loss, her husband was leaving her and she was in for detoxification, detox. She had an old back injury and had become quite used to opiate pain relief, muscle relaxants and alcohol. Through her detox she asked for pain meds, cajoling and needling the doctors and nurses for more, more all the time more. They finally discharged her after stopping the detox and referred her back to the pain clinic. She died less than a week later from an overdose of pain killers mixed with some alcohol. She had tried so many ways to make her life something more, to gain contentment. Should we have known how depressed she was? They say it was accidental, no note or anything.
I think contentment is not something you have every day, I think it is moments, periods of time and events that give us contentment. In the mornings when I walk the dog and listen to the birds and smell the grass, I am content. When I have friends over and they are having fun, eating and enjoying my food, I am content. When I have had a good night at work, clean the house or take a picture that comes out just like I wanted, I am content.
I have those wild and crazy dreams.....winning the Lotto, looking at nice houses that I can't afford. But those are "wild and crazy" things, not real life and I know that. I can day dream and then return to real life and real life expectations. My needs are met, I have great friends, fabulous family, I have a lovely home and a rewarding job. I have contentment.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Living Life
Last night we had our Going Away Party from the consumers and staff at the Beach homes. They were told at the last minute by the Administration that they could not hold the party on grounds. So we took the party to the Bay. Arc tries to choke life from individuals at every turn but the consumers are determined to win out. The love they give is unconditional and uncontrollable.
I feel for those left behind, unmotivated to look for better employment, dedicated to the consumers they serve....whatever the reason some will stay through poor treatment and substandard pay hoping they are making the guys lives better.
My life is already better. I sleep so well, I get more exercise and quality relax time. I do things for myself, I have time for myself. Life is good......it could get better if someone would shoot the neighbors noisy bird though!!
I feel for those left behind, unmotivated to look for better employment, dedicated to the consumers they serve....whatever the reason some will stay through poor treatment and substandard pay hoping they are making the guys lives better.
My life is already better. I sleep so well, I get more exercise and quality relax time. I do things for myself, I have time for myself. Life is good......it could get better if someone would shoot the neighbors noisy bird though!!
Saturday, July 28, 2007
The New Life
Wow! It is quite unbelievable that I do not need to spend my whole day off cooking!! I actually had an incredible day. It started with a facial by Andrea at the Avia Salon and Day Spa. Andrea's facial would be enough for me any day, she is that good! But I had already booked a massage as well. The massage was very nice but after the facial, it lost some impact. How often should one have a facial???
I barely got to the movie in time, Pat had already gone in. "No Reservations" was sweet, tearful, hopeful and funny. It tied in most of my life issues, we had a psychiatrist, a chef, single motherhood and controlling woman. A Seafood Chimichanga and a Margarita at Casa Di Pico and some shopping made for a lovely day. I even found a nice comfortable black sandal. Mom is still napping so the house is peaceful and the A/C is on, I could nap but that just seems too decadent!
In another week or so I will learn to wallow in decadence like an afternoon nap or goofing off for a whole day. If I did not have Mom I would probably even leave my phone at home, or off for a few hours......or more! Life is sweet indeed!!
I barely got to the movie in time, Pat had already gone in. "No Reservations" was sweet, tearful, hopeful and funny. It tied in most of my life issues, we had a psychiatrist, a chef, single motherhood and controlling woman. A Seafood Chimichanga and a Margarita at Casa Di Pico and some shopping made for a lovely day. I even found a nice comfortable black sandal. Mom is still napping so the house is peaceful and the A/C is on, I could nap but that just seems too decadent!
In another week or so I will learn to wallow in decadence like an afternoon nap or goofing off for a whole day. If I did not have Mom I would probably even leave my phone at home, or off for a few hours......or more! Life is sweet indeed!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
The Days After....
Actually we have 2 days now, 2 days after leaving Arc. I had seen it in many of my friends when they left, a lightness, an inner glow. I have that now and it is wonderful!!
My first day was sort of a "have to" day, I HAVE TO get my oil changed, I HAVE TO get some other scrubs, I HAVE TO get gas. All things that seem simple but when working 2 jobs are very hard to accomplish.
Today is more of an "aaahhhh!" day. I walked the dog and did the cat litter (let's face it there are some things that can't be avoided) then I went to the gym!!! Wow! I am out of shape! I kept it simple, little bike, little lower body weights. Small Jamba "all fruit" drink after. Home for laundry (after all I have not yet won the lotto!). Now I sit here having time to write and listening to Sarah M and friends on the stereo, daytime TV sucks and I really don't think I want to pay for DVR so TV has really gone way down on the activity list. Funny cause when I worked days I just let the TV suck me in at night......All the better to work PMs. I will meet my friend, Ellis, for lunch and shop a little (I can't say what it is but I just feel better about myself and I want to look really good when I see the girls tonight). Tonight will be Wine Steals in Point Loma with my very good friends!! Melissa is driving my ass!!
So is there life after Arc?? Wow! Is there ever!! I am so relaxed, I will need to keep Mabel around for a while just so I can have some stress in my life!!
My first day was sort of a "have to" day, I HAVE TO get my oil changed, I HAVE TO get some other scrubs, I HAVE TO get gas. All things that seem simple but when working 2 jobs are very hard to accomplish.
Today is more of an "aaahhhh!" day. I walked the dog and did the cat litter (let's face it there are some things that can't be avoided) then I went to the gym!!! Wow! I am out of shape! I kept it simple, little bike, little lower body weights. Small Jamba "all fruit" drink after. Home for laundry (after all I have not yet won the lotto!). Now I sit here having time to write and listening to Sarah M and friends on the stereo, daytime TV sucks and I really don't think I want to pay for DVR so TV has really gone way down on the activity list. Funny cause when I worked days I just let the TV suck me in at night......All the better to work PMs. I will meet my friend, Ellis, for lunch and shop a little (I can't say what it is but I just feel better about myself and I want to look really good when I see the girls tonight). Tonight will be Wine Steals in Point Loma with my very good friends!! Melissa is driving my ass!!
So is there life after Arc?? Wow! Is there ever!! I am so relaxed, I will need to keep Mabel around for a while just so I can have some stress in my life!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Time and Freedom
Well the Admin at the lovely Arc did one of their "kick in the pants" routines. My boss pretended to want to learn about stuff in my office and sat right next to me while I walked her through things. She then told me how she understood how difficult things have been for me and told me I was being paid till the 27th but that my services would not be required as the new Nurse Administrator would be starting on Monday. So as of 10a on Friday July 20th I am an ex-Arcer!!!
Now I don't know how they got this person cleared so fast cause it took a while for the nurse I just hired. The thing is next week was going to be a bear, covering 5 homes and psych rounds while working full-time at API. So now it is all someone else's problem. My ex-boss told someone that she wasn't sure that the new nurse would be there for the psych rounds. If there is no nurse to do the beach homes then I think our psychiatrist will certainly quit, very sad for our consumers. And for this woman to come in and start-up cold?! Consumer care is definitely going to suffer.
Mom is happy and the other ex-Arcers are ecstatic that I have joined the "unburdened"!! Hot damn! I can sleep in or go to the gym or do nothing Monday morning and every morning! And my new job is cool, and the people are really nice, what a change.
Now I don't know how they got this person cleared so fast cause it took a while for the nurse I just hired. The thing is next week was going to be a bear, covering 5 homes and psych rounds while working full-time at API. So now it is all someone else's problem. My ex-boss told someone that she wasn't sure that the new nurse would be there for the psych rounds. If there is no nurse to do the beach homes then I think our psychiatrist will certainly quit, very sad for our consumers. And for this woman to come in and start-up cold?! Consumer care is definitely going to suffer.
Mom is happy and the other ex-Arcers are ecstatic that I have joined the "unburdened"!! Hot damn! I can sleep in or go to the gym or do nothing Monday morning and every morning! And my new job is cool, and the people are really nice, what a change.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
I want my ice to be 5mm x 9mm, please!
Yes Mabel has dictated that I need to not fill the ice trays so much cause she wants smaller cubes of ice.......
This is on top of packaged meals, soups, repackaging 4bean salad and ice cream into single serving cups (not together mind you!), on top of the microwave on the table, utensils and dishes in a special counter top storage, individual CoffeeMates, individual fruit cup (fresh fruit not Del Monte).
I have no time for a life but I picked up Chilis ribs today and ran away to the movies!! Mabel, of course, want to go to the foot doctor on Thursday...Now I have told her that my last day at Arc has been moved up to July 27th so why she is expecting to go before that I cannot imagine. I told her she was going to wait until after that, "well I guess so, they aren't too bad yet...."
I have 10 days of my old job to go and have already made an appointment for a facial and Massage at the Spa for the day after my last Arc day!! It's my damn turn!!!!
This is on top of packaged meals, soups, repackaging 4bean salad and ice cream into single serving cups (not together mind you!), on top of the microwave on the table, utensils and dishes in a special counter top storage, individual CoffeeMates, individual fruit cup (fresh fruit not Del Monte).
I have no time for a life but I picked up Chilis ribs today and ran away to the movies!! Mabel, of course, want to go to the foot doctor on Thursday...Now I have told her that my last day at Arc has been moved up to July 27th so why she is expecting to go before that I cannot imagine. I told her she was going to wait until after that, "well I guess so, they aren't too bad yet...."
I have 10 days of my old job to go and have already made an appointment for a facial and Massage at the Spa for the day after my last Arc day!! It's my damn turn!!!!
Sunday, July 08, 2007
For love.....
I will obviously put up with a lot for love. I did this yesterday and still needed to get a small mouse with the sweeper.....
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Contrasts
Life is full of contrasts; at work (for either job) I am respected and looked to for guidance, people have respect for me and my opinion. At home my mother thinks I can't tie my shoes by myself....
Tonight was the whiny old girl routine where SHE decided that I should do her eye drops in the afternoon before I leave for work........duh, that is what I said when I was switching jobs. You see she just doesn't get enough sleep:
Me: up at 6-6:30a. Walk dog, bfast (maybe), ice, water check, feed and water dog, get my lunch and head off for Arc office or group home. Work preferably till 12-12:30p and run home, do ice again cause it is hot and the cat can't have warm water (let me interject here that Sammie may have no water while the cat has iced water), bring in the mail, clean up anything that needs to be done then. Now I go off to API at about 2:40p for my 3-11p shift where I am usually on the go for the next 8 hours, then I come home and give the drops in that one eye, check food and water and crawl into bed hopefully falling asleep before 12-12:30a. Start all over the next day. Now one day every week I don't have to do the evening job and every other weekend I am really blessed with 2 days off from both jobs!!! I am looking very forward to August 3rd when I will be celebrating my independence from the Arc of San Diego!!
Mom: up around 8-9a. Have bfast and read newspaper till 10ish. Trot back to room for prayers and game shows. Maybe watch TV or clean cat litter, or wash undies/slippers. About noonish come back out to the kitchen for fully prepared meal to stick in microwave (meal is prepared during those "days off" of mine). takes till 1p or so and then she will wash her dishes and go back to her room and watch a baseball game or soaps until she lays down for her nap around 2:30-3p. Up around 5p and back out for dinner (also mostly prepared and ready to go) at 6p. By 7p she is on her way back to her room (now we have a thermos for her nighttime ice cause she doesn't want to walk to the kitchen again). On nights I don't work she is at the door asking for her eye drops around 9:30p, "you can do my drops now, I know you're tired" Like she is doing me a favor.
For me, I will be a stronger person for this experience. I will hopefully be a better aging adult. I know she is scared of death, we all are...some more than others. Death is the ultimate unknown but it is unavoidable. I would think that as you get closer to the end of life, and especially if your life has become so difficult, that the idea of a rest would be welcomed. But mom still checks her blood pressure daily and stews about her bowels and little aches and pains that most of us just don't even think about. Yet she will not pursue the doctor about physical therapy, she gives me a cock and bull story and the doctor says he thinks she needs it but i think she tells him she can't do it. She stopped taking her Fosamax for bone strength cause she hasn't had a scan recently. Pretty sure that is why her leg hurts more but she knows more than I do and more than the doctors do.
I pray every day that this is the day she doesn't get up from that bed, just go in her sleep. I sleep more lightly than when Jessica was little cause there is always that chance of a nice fall. I am always watching (and I know that sometimes she puts on "extra drama" just for me) trying to figure out what other modifications can be done to maintain her. I am never really "off", not even when I am sleeping for those 5-6 hours a day.
Tonight was the whiny old girl routine where SHE decided that I should do her eye drops in the afternoon before I leave for work........duh, that is what I said when I was switching jobs. You see she just doesn't get enough sleep:
Me: up at 6-6:30a. Walk dog, bfast (maybe), ice, water check, feed and water dog, get my lunch and head off for Arc office or group home. Work preferably till 12-12:30p and run home, do ice again cause it is hot and the cat can't have warm water (let me interject here that Sammie may have no water while the cat has iced water), bring in the mail, clean up anything that needs to be done then. Now I go off to API at about 2:40p for my 3-11p shift where I am usually on the go for the next 8 hours, then I come home and give the drops in that one eye, check food and water and crawl into bed hopefully falling asleep before 12-12:30a. Start all over the next day. Now one day every week I don't have to do the evening job and every other weekend I am really blessed with 2 days off from both jobs!!! I am looking very forward to August 3rd when I will be celebrating my independence from the Arc of San Diego!!
Mom: up around 8-9a. Have bfast and read newspaper till 10ish. Trot back to room for prayers and game shows. Maybe watch TV or clean cat litter, or wash undies/slippers. About noonish come back out to the kitchen for fully prepared meal to stick in microwave (meal is prepared during those "days off" of mine). takes till 1p or so and then she will wash her dishes and go back to her room and watch a baseball game or soaps until she lays down for her nap around 2:30-3p. Up around 5p and back out for dinner (also mostly prepared and ready to go) at 6p. By 7p she is on her way back to her room (now we have a thermos for her nighttime ice cause she doesn't want to walk to the kitchen again). On nights I don't work she is at the door asking for her eye drops around 9:30p, "you can do my drops now, I know you're tired" Like she is doing me a favor.
For me, I will be a stronger person for this experience. I will hopefully be a better aging adult. I know she is scared of death, we all are...some more than others. Death is the ultimate unknown but it is unavoidable. I would think that as you get closer to the end of life, and especially if your life has become so difficult, that the idea of a rest would be welcomed. But mom still checks her blood pressure daily and stews about her bowels and little aches and pains that most of us just don't even think about. Yet she will not pursue the doctor about physical therapy, she gives me a cock and bull story and the doctor says he thinks she needs it but i think she tells him she can't do it. She stopped taking her Fosamax for bone strength cause she hasn't had a scan recently. Pretty sure that is why her leg hurts more but she knows more than I do and more than the doctors do.
I pray every day that this is the day she doesn't get up from that bed, just go in her sleep. I sleep more lightly than when Jessica was little cause there is always that chance of a nice fall. I am always watching (and I know that sometimes she puts on "extra drama" just for me) trying to figure out what other modifications can be done to maintain her. I am never really "off", not even when I am sleeping for those 5-6 hours a day.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
2:11am
You would think that getting up at 5:30a in order to walk the dog and get to work for 7a, working till 7p walking the dog, taking care of the house/mom and getting to bed somewhere between 10 and 11p would mean that I was tired and sleeping......
Ya, that's why I am on the damn computer at 2am!!! I figure if I write some of it down that maybe my head will quiet down. I am tired just not sleeping. Every night has been a little less. Wednesday should be fun!
At API things are going well, there is so much to learn. It is fun and scary to have that sense that one could fail. So far everyone says I am doing fine and learning quickly. It has been great fun to hang out with really professional individuals again, not stuffy, just focused on their jobs.
At Arc things are getting rough. Dan and Susan could be sharing one brain and I think it might be "Abby Normal"!! I leave info for them to give out and they tell no one, hell Susan usually forgets you have even told her. Dan is just so clueless it's not funny. Susan has taking to micro-managing me, something she hates to have done to her by Anthony. I don't need managing, especially by someone who is not a medical individual. Susan will choose an nurse to fill my position because she is highly educated and has a pretty resume, duh! How does one apply their wisdom, what is their work ethic, how do they interview?
I am trying to hold on for Karen. I gave my absolute last day as 8/3/07. More than fair. Susan really believes there is someone in these 4 resumes that want this job for what I get paid. She also believes that we can find a field nurse who wants to do only Arc for a job, not as a second job. It just goes back to the lack of respect for nurses at Arc.
I think this is helping. These blogs are good for cleansing the soul and putting down in visible form some things that you would never say out loud, it is a new form of psychoanalist!
Ya, that's why I am on the damn computer at 2am!!! I figure if I write some of it down that maybe my head will quiet down. I am tired just not sleeping. Every night has been a little less. Wednesday should be fun!
At API things are going well, there is so much to learn. It is fun and scary to have that sense that one could fail. So far everyone says I am doing fine and learning quickly. It has been great fun to hang out with really professional individuals again, not stuffy, just focused on their jobs.
At Arc things are getting rough. Dan and Susan could be sharing one brain and I think it might be "Abby Normal"!! I leave info for them to give out and they tell no one, hell Susan usually forgets you have even told her. Dan is just so clueless it's not funny. Susan has taking to micro-managing me, something she hates to have done to her by Anthony. I don't need managing, especially by someone who is not a medical individual. Susan will choose an nurse to fill my position because she is highly educated and has a pretty resume, duh! How does one apply their wisdom, what is their work ethic, how do they interview?
I am trying to hold on for Karen. I gave my absolute last day as 8/3/07. More than fair. Susan really believes there is someone in these 4 resumes that want this job for what I get paid. She also believes that we can find a field nurse who wants to do only Arc for a job, not as a second job. It just goes back to the lack of respect for nurses at Arc.
I think this is helping. These blogs are good for cleansing the soul and putting down in visible form some things that you would never say out loud, it is a new form of psychoanalist!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Not so long ago or far away....
A young princess and a young prince were looking for their true loves. Their paths crossed many times but fate knew that they must live through some challenges before being rewarded with true love.
When they finally met it was as if they had been made for each other, date nights at the book store and coffee shops, hours spent in artful pursuits, support for each others dreams. Their story is far from over, in truth it is still young but their love already has deep roots. It is like a light in the dark, a warm glow that provides a safe haven. They are fortunate, they are best friends, they are lovers, they are husband and wife.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Speeding by..
Life is speeding by these days. My friend, Pat, has her last day at Arc today. People that you just did not expect to be so emotionally impacted are and others are only concerned with how her leaving affects them personally.
My brain was on overdrive last night so getting to sleep was difficult and staying asleep was too! Even this morning I woke with ideas running through my head about my weak nurse and how am I going to achieve this or that, things that need to be shifted to others in my absence. The people in the ivory tower (main administration) only care about the Medi-Cal part of my job. They don't care that one nurse just doesn't understand how to update her orders. She just follows whatever the physician writes, it's a Philapino thing. She can't teach either and she never listens.
Whenever I get sentimental about leaving Arc I just look at the fact that the administration there is a bunch or idiots and that Pat and I deserve a life that goes beyond putting our fingers in the holes. Regional Center will protect the guys in our absence, so will licensing. I have to say that this last hiring of the boy toy in accounting was probably the last straw. He is getting $50k/annual, has no degree and is just starting accounting classes. My REGISTERED NURSES with degrees and licenses (who care for peoples health and welfare) are paid $56k, I get $60k with 16 years experience in the field. Screw Arc, I deserve better. I can't wait to sleep with a clear mind.
My brain was on overdrive last night so getting to sleep was difficult and staying asleep was too! Even this morning I woke with ideas running through my head about my weak nurse and how am I going to achieve this or that, things that need to be shifted to others in my absence. The people in the ivory tower (main administration) only care about the Medi-Cal part of my job. They don't care that one nurse just doesn't understand how to update her orders. She just follows whatever the physician writes, it's a Philapino thing. She can't teach either and she never listens.
Whenever I get sentimental about leaving Arc I just look at the fact that the administration there is a bunch or idiots and that Pat and I deserve a life that goes beyond putting our fingers in the holes. Regional Center will protect the guys in our absence, so will licensing. I have to say that this last hiring of the boy toy in accounting was probably the last straw. He is getting $50k/annual, has no degree and is just starting accounting classes. My REGISTERED NURSES with degrees and licenses (who care for peoples health and welfare) are paid $56k, I get $60k with 16 years experience in the field. Screw Arc, I deserve better. I can't wait to sleep with a clear mind.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Up in the air...
Even though a lot of things are falling into place there is still that sense of waiting. I have completed my PPD, physical, etc. and am waiting for a start date for my new job. I see the next 2 months as being very hectic and crazy. Working 2 jobs for a while, weening the Arc people off of their heavy dependence on my brain, learning new things at my new job.
As I stand for most of the weekend day in my kitchen so that I can get some food ahead for Mom I wonder where my life will be in 6 months. I wonder what I would do with my time if I did not need to take care of her, I wonder.......
What I hope for is that I can just cook daily or every other day and put up left overs for her. I hope that I can walk to dog, do breakfast and go to the gym for a while in the mornings. I hope that having my mornings free will allow me more freedom to do other things like browse the mall, read a book, enjoy my patio. I do hope for a future where I can put myself first once in a while.
As I stand for most of the weekend day in my kitchen so that I can get some food ahead for Mom I wonder where my life will be in 6 months. I wonder what I would do with my time if I did not need to take care of her, I wonder.......
What I hope for is that I can just cook daily or every other day and put up left overs for her. I hope that I can walk to dog, do breakfast and go to the gym for a while in the mornings. I hope that having my mornings free will allow me more freedom to do other things like browse the mall, read a book, enjoy my patio. I do hope for a future where I can put myself first once in a while.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
2am
At 2am you can really let your mind wander. What else is there for it to do at this hour? The neighbors and mom would question my cooking or cleaning so the computer is probably the most effective tool for funneling my racing thoughts into the proper direction.
My friend (fired for a personal time DUI) came to the office late Friday night to clean out her space. Her job is already being posted and not by our department. Pat told her (seeing as she no longer works with us) about her own pending resignation. She had shown me a very nicely written letter of resignation. I think my interview went well but you never know, I am sure there are more diversified nurses out there. Most people I know think I am pretty smart but job hunting is difficult as you get older.
Pat is hoping that if I do get a job soon that I don't leave before her but understands that I need to go. I do foresee a domino effect though. I am sure Karen will aggressively look for other employment. Sue thinks that with both her and I gone that Brad (our psych) will drop Arc consumers. One of my newer nurses "can't" take on call but is great with the daily stuff, the other is not so great with most of the job. Karen is the strongest one but she is bitter at the "unfairness" of Adunni not taking call, something that carries an extra stipend. There is even a chance that a woman who has been with a certain group of consumers for 20 years will be leaving for retirement as her husband gets a significant payout from a lawsuit. There is already rumors that one of the consumer's is being placed elsewhere because the parent is angry over the person being fired for DUI.
To further explain the DUI thing you have to see our policy (through the mud). You must have a valid California license period for most positions. In order to be a driver (drive an Arc van) you must have a clean record. But we in administration do not drive Arc vehicles and rarely take consumers in our vehicles and our need for a clean record is not detailed. I wonder if I had had one of my speeding tickets rolled into "reckless driving" (which is done when you are over 80 or 90mph) would I be fired? Through the court process that is what eventually happens, the first DUI can be pleaded down to "Reckless" (which is on a list on no-nos for an Arc "driver").
The thing is the Arc has an HR director who does not attend 90% of the meetings she is supposed to attend. They have a director of accounting who still does not understand the process for TAR application even though I have sent her details at least 20 times. The "legal counsel" is more volatile than a tube of old nitro, one day a teddy bear and your best friend, the next day he is screaming at you in front of people for something that is insignificant. Accounting can leave early on payday but two upper management folks in our department cannot be gone on one day together.
And so I hope for a state position but I am hoping for API PM shift in the meantime. I should go get some water so that I can get up to pee 30 minutes after I fall to sleep (I hope!)
My friend (fired for a personal time DUI) came to the office late Friday night to clean out her space. Her job is already being posted and not by our department. Pat told her (seeing as she no longer works with us) about her own pending resignation. She had shown me a very nicely written letter of resignation. I think my interview went well but you never know, I am sure there are more diversified nurses out there. Most people I know think I am pretty smart but job hunting is difficult as you get older.
Pat is hoping that if I do get a job soon that I don't leave before her but understands that I need to go. I do foresee a domino effect though. I am sure Karen will aggressively look for other employment. Sue thinks that with both her and I gone that Brad (our psych) will drop Arc consumers. One of my newer nurses "can't" take on call but is great with the daily stuff, the other is not so great with most of the job. Karen is the strongest one but she is bitter at the "unfairness" of Adunni not taking call, something that carries an extra stipend. There is even a chance that a woman who has been with a certain group of consumers for 20 years will be leaving for retirement as her husband gets a significant payout from a lawsuit. There is already rumors that one of the consumer's is being placed elsewhere because the parent is angry over the person being fired for DUI.
To further explain the DUI thing you have to see our policy (through the mud). You must have a valid California license period for most positions. In order to be a driver (drive an Arc van) you must have a clean record. But we in administration do not drive Arc vehicles and rarely take consumers in our vehicles and our need for a clean record is not detailed. I wonder if I had had one of my speeding tickets rolled into "reckless driving" (which is done when you are over 80 or 90mph) would I be fired? Through the court process that is what eventually happens, the first DUI can be pleaded down to "Reckless" (which is on a list on no-nos for an Arc "driver").
The thing is the Arc has an HR director who does not attend 90% of the meetings she is supposed to attend. They have a director of accounting who still does not understand the process for TAR application even though I have sent her details at least 20 times. The "legal counsel" is more volatile than a tube of old nitro, one day a teddy bear and your best friend, the next day he is screaming at you in front of people for something that is insignificant. Accounting can leave early on payday but two upper management folks in our department cannot be gone on one day together.
And so I hope for a state position but I am hoping for API PM shift in the meantime. I should go get some water so that I can get up to pee 30 minutes after I fall to sleep (I hope!)
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Fizzle and Burst
So a few more individuals know about Pat's departure from Arc. Susan Rehm is begging me to not depart but is aware that I have some stuff "in the works". The worst was that my DUI friend is being fired. It totally sucks as she does not need to drive consumers in her job. The P&P on the need for the license is vague. Yet 2 individuals who do not work with her, who have been out for way more leave than anyone else in the company would be allowed, who random answer your important questions and who may have some substance abuse or psychiatric problems of their own made the decision to fire her despite input from families and co-workers that losing her would be detrimental to the consumers.
I wonder if I could get a FT position at API? I had best discuss options with mom today so that I can approach tomorrow's interview with less ambivalence.
I wonder if I could get a FT position at API? I had best discuss options with mom today so that I can approach tomorrow's interview with less ambivalence.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Bursting Bubble or........
Right now everything is truly a waiting game. One friend has a chance at a new job but it is a slow process. I can't wait till she is able to put in her notice! Another friend is having a meeting today to see what the chances of keeping her job are after a DUI and the vagueness of Arc policy on the driver license for simple employment (vs as a driver for Arc itself). Mom is waiting with her last rites and her paid funeral plan. I am waiting for the state but have been contacted by another employer for a possible interview.....
It is like sitting on a bubble waiting for it to pop! Or maybe it will simply fizzle down like a big red balloon left out in the sun too long. Either way I am sure it is affecting my sleep and my ability to concentrate on the tasks at hand. Yesterday I just up and left the office to go circulate in the group homes, it was a good break but everything is still up in the air this morning. Resolution for a few things would be great........
It is like sitting on a bubble waiting for it to pop! Or maybe it will simply fizzle down like a big red balloon left out in the sun too long. Either way I am sure it is affecting my sleep and my ability to concentrate on the tasks at hand. Yesterday I just up and left the office to go circulate in the group homes, it was a good break but everything is still up in the air this morning. Resolution for a few things would be great........
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Time??
Mom asked for the number to the old Santee church the other day. She told me the priest came today, he gave her communion, and "the rest". She mentioned that it wasn't as complicated and that she is "already now". I have to admit that I could not control myself and I snickered a bit. Mom may be right and the time is near but she is also like the little boy who cried wolf. She has talked about it for so long that it is hard to take her seriously.
I think about death but mostly about the fact that I would hope for it to come later in life and preferably before I become too feeble. Otherwise I plan for life, I hope that is always my direction.
I think about death but mostly about the fact that I would hope for it to come later in life and preferably before I become too feeble. Otherwise I plan for life, I hope that is always my direction.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
The Game
The game is Mabel asks a question like "do you still go to that store?" Duh? What store? "The THRIFT STORE!", like I am just the biggest moron in the world. The next move is for me to try to find out what she really wants. "What do you want?" Well there's this jacket......
She wants me to take the jacket to the thrift store, sell it and buy something for myself there. Sounds so sweet doesn't it......But I don't need anything and I really don't have time to make an appointment and go down to sell ONE jacket! Keep it for Janet (this has become my favorite lately) As I see it she should give the "shower girl" Janet these things. Little momentos...Janet took the meat grinder (YES!!!!) and I am sure she would accept a few more things. Janet is a nice lady so I am very happy with mom giving her stuff.
But the game will continue with other things where instead of just stating what the need is, she will ask questions that have little to do with her goal until I look at her like the 3 year old she has become and force her to the point of the conversation. Life is ever challenging.......
She wants me to take the jacket to the thrift store, sell it and buy something for myself there. Sounds so sweet doesn't it......But I don't need anything and I really don't have time to make an appointment and go down to sell ONE jacket! Keep it for Janet (this has become my favorite lately) As I see it she should give the "shower girl" Janet these things. Little momentos...Janet took the meat grinder (YES!!!!) and I am sure she would accept a few more things. Janet is a nice lady so I am very happy with mom giving her stuff.
But the game will continue with other things where instead of just stating what the need is, she will ask questions that have little to do with her goal until I look at her like the 3 year old she has become and force her to the point of the conversation. Life is ever challenging.......
Passing
Life is what happens while you are waiting for ..........
The thing is you should never wait for anything, but life doesn't always work out that way. I'm not talking about the wait in line at the grocery store or for gas at CostCo. I am talking about waiting for your doctor to tell you that a loved one is ok, for that job to be yours, for your knees to start working in the morning.
People often say "you have to grab life by the horns!" Well I do believe that you must be an active participant in life and that you should take advantage and, indeed, make your own opportunties. But this brings me back to a topic from a radio host the other day about the rudeness of people today...on the road, in stores, in the workplace. People are so self-focused that they no longer think about waiting for anything, their needs outweigh the need to stop at a red light, allow an individual to cross the street, the need to make eye contact with the person you are dealing with. Thank you and please are becoming extinct, technology has overtaken common courtesy.
We are doing a dis-service to ourselves and future generations in our hurry to live our lives and grab all we can get out of it. Life isn't about grabbing the most, it is about living the best. Sometimes living best means sitting on the porch and waiting for the mail.
The thing is you should never wait for anything, but life doesn't always work out that way. I'm not talking about the wait in line at the grocery store or for gas at CostCo. I am talking about waiting for your doctor to tell you that a loved one is ok, for that job to be yours, for your knees to start working in the morning.
People often say "you have to grab life by the horns!" Well I do believe that you must be an active participant in life and that you should take advantage and, indeed, make your own opportunties. But this brings me back to a topic from a radio host the other day about the rudeness of people today...on the road, in stores, in the workplace. People are so self-focused that they no longer think about waiting for anything, their needs outweigh the need to stop at a red light, allow an individual to cross the street, the need to make eye contact with the person you are dealing with. Thank you and please are becoming extinct, technology has overtaken common courtesy.
We are doing a dis-service to ourselves and future generations in our hurry to live our lives and grab all we can get out of it. Life isn't about grabbing the most, it is about living the best. Sometimes living best means sitting on the porch and waiting for the mail.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Trader Joe's and the Prius
This is my favorite store to the point that I am not sure I would live somewhere tat did not have one. Shopping is an adventure. Obviously TJ's is a favorite for greenies as well. This is the Grossmont TJ in La Mesa California. Saturday mornings the regulars show up at 8a to beat the crowds. We don't always park like this, I guess the stars were also aligned. There was another silver Prius further up.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
One of us has to go.....
Nights like tonight make me wish I had the courage and the ability to put Mabel out of my misery. I don't ask for much and I do everything I can. I have re-arranged my kitchen to make everything convenient. Her meals are either Banquet or totally put together frozen dinners from scratch. I have bought her a heater, a shelf unit, new dishes and a bread box to store them in. I clean her room and the rest of the house and provide her meals.
Tonight I went out to my friend Melissa's house. At 11:10p Mabel leaves me a message on my phone; where am I , the dog is looking for me. "Well, I got my water....". But that is not enough she has to make sure to embarrass me in front of everyone and make me feel like shit so she calls again and this time I answer. She is all whiny and says again that the dog is looking for me. My friends feel sorry for me, the mood is totally ruined. Truthfully even before she called I knew she would, it is just my life these days. Every morning that I hear her moving around in there is the start of another day of bondage for me. I am becoming a prisoner in my own my home.
Tonight I went out to my friend Melissa's house. At 11:10p Mabel leaves me a message on my phone; where am I , the dog is looking for me. "Well, I got my water....". But that is not enough she has to make sure to embarrass me in front of everyone and make me feel like shit so she calls again and this time I answer. She is all whiny and says again that the dog is looking for me. My friends feel sorry for me, the mood is totally ruined. Truthfully even before she called I knew she would, it is just my life these days. Every morning that I hear her moving around in there is the start of another day of bondage for me. I am becoming a prisoner in my own my home.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Point of View
Soon Greg's mom will be visiting the kids in Italy. I had emailed her recently and was surprised when she said she was going to just let Jessica take the pictures. I could not imagine going on a trip without my camera. If I did not have my camera then I would not have some incredible photos. My daughter has one point of view and I may have another. It was great to compare our compositions. Downloading my photos to my work and home computers where they entertain me daily was another benefit.
If I did not have my own camera with me I would have never gotten these.....
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
On Disneyland
The Happiest Place on Earth? I must say that having not been there in a while it is easy to forget that it IS really a fun place. There are the tears of tired children, the frustrated sighs of bewildered parents and expensive food. But there is also wonderment and a belief that that robotic Indiana Jones is the real thing. Children wait patiently to have a photo taken with Buzz Lightyear, they probably never wait that patiently for anything. Bright eyed "actresses" sign autograph books as Ariel, Mary Poppins and Alice in Wonderland.
In the middle of the town square stands the statue of Walt Disney with a child. Could he have thought that this would last through countless generations? Could he have realized the incredible imprint it would make on the world in general? Many nationalities come here to see this place, ride on these rides and meet the characters. Is it our need to touch the child within? To forget the horror of war, crime and disease?
I must admit that I did have a great time and thought about taking my grandkid(s) there. There is simply an air of hope on those acres. We need that, no matter how fleeting.
In the middle of the town square stands the statue of Walt Disney with a child. Could he have thought that this would last through countless generations? Could he have realized the incredible imprint it would make on the world in general? Many nationalities come here to see this place, ride on these rides and meet the characters. Is it our need to touch the child within? To forget the horror of war, crime and disease?
I must admit that I did have a great time and thought about taking my grandkid(s) there. There is simply an air of hope on those acres. We need that, no matter how fleeting.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Suicidal Hen
Not sure what the old girl was thinking, still don't know where she came from.......but she chose this yard instead of the backyard neighbors. One of them has a large carnivorous cat, the other 2 each have dogs who would most likely have ended the poor girls misery. But she somehow managed to get herself into my yard. Earlier in the day mom said she was walking about and even tried to come in, it seems she has now given up and is "ready" for dinner!! DO you think she knows what she is sitting next to???
Sunday, February 25, 2007
San Diego
Technically, I live in La Mesa but that is part of SD county. Actually SD County encompasses everything from the beachfront, to small villages, to mountains and deserts. We can drive from the beach in the morning to play in the snow at Mt. Laguna and then out to the deserts in one day.
Today I saw a road runner, dead fish, sea birds, new growth on burned out trees, sand storm and a toppled sign. I went from mid 40s to 70's in a few hours. I saw desolation and life, history and future. I was windburned and ate grit for a part of the day but I saw beauty and ugliness.
I think that there is something interesting in most places. My mom would not be able to see the beauty in one tiny flower sticking it's head out, she does not see the beauty in steep canyon walls. For her it must be green and delicate flowers. There is something to be said about the tenacity of the wild desert, the cactus, the animals who live there. Just one thing.......if it is a windy day get your hair under something, it's worse than riding in a convertible!!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Planning Life vs. Planning Death
My mom has been desperately trying to call my nephew. I thought it was entirely for the purpose of learning about what was going on with his break-up. She wants him to give her dress, jewelry, etc. that she wishes to be buried in to the funeral home.
My mother has been planning and talking about her death for years. She has a dress picked out. She has a set of prayer beads that she wants in the casket with her. She even has her casket picked out. Although I am the person she lives with, the person who cooks her meals, cleans her laundry, her room and takes her to appointments and more, I am not the person with whom these items and plans can be trusted.
She always makes it clear to people that they should be sure to tell me that they want (item) when she dies. You see she believes that I will apparently just throw it all away.
My plans include new paint for her room when she is gone, places to visit without needing a babysitter, a new job without ties on how it will affect my ability to be at home to help her with meals and such, putting my kitchen together in a way that is convenient to me. Many of my plans hinge on the chance that she will follow through on her plans before someone decides I need to go first. For right now, I do not plan on my death. I am slightly ashamed to say that I have not finished my estate planning...something that should be done without the morbidity of death as a motivator.
She is old, She is creaky but alas, she is healthy as a horse!
My mother has been planning and talking about her death for years. She has a dress picked out. She has a set of prayer beads that she wants in the casket with her. She even has her casket picked out. Although I am the person she lives with, the person who cooks her meals, cleans her laundry, her room and takes her to appointments and more, I am not the person with whom these items and plans can be trusted.
She always makes it clear to people that they should be sure to tell me that they want (item) when she dies. You see she believes that I will apparently just throw it all away.
My plans include new paint for her room when she is gone, places to visit without needing a babysitter, a new job without ties on how it will affect my ability to be at home to help her with meals and such, putting my kitchen together in a way that is convenient to me. Many of my plans hinge on the chance that she will follow through on her plans before someone decides I need to go first. For right now, I do not plan on my death. I am slightly ashamed to say that I have not finished my estate planning...something that should be done without the morbidity of death as a motivator.
She is old, She is creaky but alas, she is healthy as a horse!
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Savory Bread Pudding
Most of my best meals come from leftovers. This was from Friday Night's get together.
I used a shallow baking dish sprayed with oil. I place a layer of rosemary olive oil bread sliced about 1/2-3/4 in. thick. Then I spread a thin layer of ricotta cheese. I diced up some asparagus and red peppers and sprinkled them over the bread and cheese layer and topped it with a generous sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Then I mixed up eggs with milk, S/P and some Italian seasoning (rosemary, thyme, oregano, add some red pepper for a little kick) For my small shallow pan, 2 eggs and about 3/4 milk worked just fine. Pour the mixture over the bread and return to fridge to soak for about 1hr then bake at 350 for about 20-30 minutes. Some of this depends on the depth of your pan and such. Can be enjoyed warm or room temp.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Almond Roca Cookies!
I love Almond flavoring! Messing around in the Kitchen tonight I developed these.
Dry Roast about 1 1/4 c. Slivered Almonds (the thinest ones), just light golden color
Mix 3/4 c of the almonds in small processor with 1 stick butter, 1 Tb Almond Paste
Mix to fine consistency then place in bowl.
Cream mixture with 3/4 c. gran. sugar, 1/2 tea. vanilla, 1 tea. almond extract. Add one egg and mix till blended. Combine 1c flour, 1/2 tea. each of baking soda and salt.
Bake at 350 for 9-10 minutes. Let cool and begin the topping. Take the left over almonds and process with a teaspoon or 2 of sugar till chopped but not too fine. Place in shallow plate. I like a nice dark 60% or more chocolate. Melt 2-3 oz with 1 Tb butter and about 2 Tb cream (or to lose a couple calories use evap. fat free milk!), add 3/4c powdered sugar. Use back of spoon or knife to spread the chocolate on the cookie and then press the cookie into the nut mixture. let rest for the topping to firm up again.
Makes about 2 1/2 dozen. Yummy!!!
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Sharing and Technology
When Jessica and Greg signed up for the Italy stint the first thing I did was to upgrade from dial-up to DSL. I knew that there would be a need for faster and more powerful computer power. Days when you can share a sunset with your loved ones even though they live on the other side of the world are really special...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
United States Postal Service
I want to say that they do a fine job. I really don't use them much as all my bills are auto pay or ATM. I receive tons of mail, mostly unsolicited. But since the kids have ended up in Italy we have had multiple occaisons to utilize the "flat rate" boxes.
You can put anything not flammable, liquid, etc. in these boxes for (now) $8.10. When I shipped the cast iron grill plate...it was an incredible savings! You do have to limit yourself to one of the 2 boxes they have. One of the clerks recently told me some guy tried to tape 2 of them together...I think he missed the point that regular size is more important in shipping than weight. They did not accept his modification.
All that being said, they don't do cakes very well. Therefore Jessica will be receiving Birthday Cookies instead.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Sunday Morning
Sunday morning is one of those "feelings" that you wish could last longer. You do anything to draw it out, savor the feeling of Sunday morning.
I personally love the Egrets feet, what lovely shoes!!
Saturday, January 20, 2007
2007
As we enter this year I have turned 50, my mother will turn 91 and my daughter 30. The dog is 11 and I think the cat is near 15. Some of us are obviously getting older than others but the direction of life is pretty consistent. There is no reverse, just turns and forward.
When I turned 50 in October 06 I said it was better than the alternative, that is still my feeling. It is not easy though to hit these later years. Your body aches, your bladder is weak and you got to keep ahead of those damn grey hairs. But at least there is tomorrow and tomorrow is a new and clean palate.
I am looking for a new job. Dara and I talked about a catering business today, we would leave finances and management to Melissa. Fortunes turn, new doors open. There is something to look forward to, sometimes you just have to move an obstruction.
When I turned 50 in October 06 I said it was better than the alternative, that is still my feeling. It is not easy though to hit these later years. Your body aches, your bladder is weak and you got to keep ahead of those damn grey hairs. But at least there is tomorrow and tomorrow is a new and clean palate.
I am looking for a new job. Dara and I talked about a catering business today, we would leave finances and management to Melissa. Fortunes turn, new doors open. There is something to look forward to, sometimes you just have to move an obstruction.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Life's little pleasures....
Pleasure is something that can be huge..."I won the Lotto!!" or as with most pleasures....Sammie gave me love even though we didn't go for an evening walk.
- Consumers who make me laugh
- Chocolate (minimum 60%) with some sort of "cello"
- Knowing that what I drive makes the world a little cleaner
- Being able to live with those dog hair "dust bunnies"
- Finally being able to taste my meal after several days of having no taste buds
- Seeing my daughter and son-in-law all over my house and on my work and personal computers
- Crawling into bed at a decent hour and sleeping through the night
So there is balance in everything but you can't blame a person for wanting less frustration and more pleasure.
Life's little frustrations..
It's an old saying, meant to lessen the impact of those glitches that occur in the daily grind. At what point do they become more than little frustrations, is there a quota?
- Mom wants to have a "handyman" come into my house to dump garbage and help her with her cat litter. Anything is better than asking me for help.
- People at work who call me when I am not the on-call
- Getting sick just when I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for nursing coverage at work
- Mom playing the martyr..."is that some of those fruit you made bread out of?" I finally figured out she was talking about persimmons. No, the fruit is grapefruit (doesn't look anything like persimmons). See, she doesn't eat anything that is not on her shelves. I am not the one who set this up. It is a huge frustration to be unable to use my kitchen efficiently.
- San Diego Sports fans, tons of them jump on the wagon when the team is playing well but now they will all crawl under the rugs again. Shallow fools!
- Mom's unwillingness to ask for a simple favor. "You know I really like that bean salad. I thought it was all gone but there's some in there". The jar is too big for her to handle and so I will put some in a smaller container. Well, I havebeen busy and now sick but I was supposed to KNOW what she needed without her expressing it out loud.
- People who make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. I have a friend who dates drinking buddies and wonders why they turn out to be losers.
That is the gripe for the day and it will be balanced because thankfully there are some great things that happen everyday too.
Snowflakes in San DIego
I was up early today and took the dog to the park in the car d/t my recent/current flu. I see out of the corner of my eye a yellow light on the dashboard......OH MY GAWD! It is the dread SNOWFLAKE icon! Toyota has this yellow snowflake (har! har!) that shows up when the temp hits 37F. It goes with the adage "bridges freeze before the road". It's not like I don't know that it is cold out. As you can see the daily patch of ice on the front lawn reminds you it is cold, my frost bitten trumpet tree reminds me we have been having cold weather. I did want some wintery weather but I was hoping for California winter, damp, rainy and 50's, it is warmer in some north eastern states. Mom, of course, believes that she is being frozen to death if the room temp is not 75-80 through out the house. I, on the other hand, believe in dressing appropriately for the weather.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Saturday in Carlsbad
Southern California is an interesting place to live. We have what most people would consider great weather. Hard to believe that you can actually yearn for a thunderstorm. Because people here are from so many different places you will often see the most odd collection of clothing on just a few folks.
The boy at the fountain has a long sleeve shirt, the woman behind him is sleeveless and the lady next to her was one of many with "fur" trimmed coats.
The California roads are also a challenge. We are a busy and usually distracted bunch of people, therefore we frequently run into each other. The Lexus SUV that was also involved did not look like there was any damage but it was taken away on a flat bed.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Toyota Carlsbad
I told the sales guys there that they had the easiest job in the county, it was like they were shooting fish in a barrel!!
There is five of the Ford people in one photo, they get to watch the action from across the street. Behind the palm fronds are 6 Dodge reps, 2 more were at the other end of their very empty lot. Then there is a pic of one of many Toyota sales. The sales people there were really earning their big bucks! As soon as they passed off one buyer to financing or prep, another was waiting. New cars were driving on and off the lot like it was rush hour, not just test drives. "I have an F150 to trade in", "an Expedition", "I traded my Lexus for a Prius". There was some business at Honda and VW but the traffic in the Toyota Carlsbad lot was amazing.
I don't know if it is the truly nice employees at TC that makes me take my car all the way up there, or just the chance to shop at the mall. At least it was a beautiful sunny day.
Monday, January 08, 2007
The Gift of Life
When you look back on your writings sometimes you can see tings that were not in your mind when you wrote the original words (beyond a few typos).
We live in a world with laws about dog care, smoking, how to build a house and many other things. Gays can't marry yet heterosexuals don't seem to do a very good job of marriage themselves. Yet it is easier to have a child than it is to adopt a puppy from the pound.
I have heard many of my friends say it about raising their children....I am not going to be like my mother/father. My need to have Jessica in her own bedroom was part of my childhood. We learn good and bad from every experience in life. Some parents look for wisdom in a book or other "program" for parenting.
There is no Golden Rule, no panacea. All you can do is learn and apply the basics:
We live in a world with laws about dog care, smoking, how to build a house and many other things. Gays can't marry yet heterosexuals don't seem to do a very good job of marriage themselves. Yet it is easier to have a child than it is to adopt a puppy from the pound.
I have heard many of my friends say it about raising their children....I am not going to be like my mother/father. My need to have Jessica in her own bedroom was part of my childhood. We learn good and bad from every experience in life. Some parents look for wisdom in a book or other "program" for parenting.
There is no Golden Rule, no panacea. All you can do is learn and apply the basics:
- CPR and basic medical care
- some level of simple cooking
- listening skills; listen to your child and to others who talk to you about your child
- your child is an individual not your little carbon copy, treat him/her like they are special
- be The Parent, it is ok that your child has a tiny little fear (the sleepover story supports this-spilt chocolate milk, Jessica tellling her friend that she has to tell her mom, frien going "no, no", Jessica tells, I calmly have them clean it up)
Life is the ultimate gift and it should be lived well. The best thing to remember is to do your best and learn to be forgiving because everyone screws up and learning is lifelong.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Our San Diego
Jessica has "wander lust" from years of not staying in one place. Even in the 7 years we were in the one complex in Frsno, we lived in 3 different units. San Diego was no different. First was the 2 story town house, then the apartment across from Patrick Henry. That was another one of those eventful places. My sister had passed away while we were living there and I was having trouble sleeping. I had taken some Benedryl and was close to sleep but that Black cat of mine would not let me be. I had heard what I thought was a broken sprinkler but as I heard people outside saying things like "do you think there is anyone in there?" I started to wake up to the realization that the sound was not water. I could see the flames and embers flying past the living room window, yellow glowing from the kitchen. I threw my clothes on and went to get Jessica. Our neighbors place was on fire and was totally gutted. We had no phone service for a while and there were smoke burns on the floor in the kitchen. We were lucky.
Jessica's friend was also hit by a car while we lived there. I was home when it happened. I remembered the curtains were drawn, the car tires squeeled and there was a horrific thud. I ran to the balcony, my heart in my throat. The relief at seeing it was not my child was replaced with the normal concern for her friend.
Our move from there was the starting point for many years of moving about. Our shortest stay was 6 months in La Mesa. We were the downstairs tenants in a house. Thin floors/ceilings allowed me to listen to the drunk upstairs neighbor snore as he passed out above me. Jess had this great room while we were there. The curtains were so thick..... I had gone to Arizona for a seminar but I decided to call Jessica one morning. It was obvious that it had been nice and quiet and dark...she was sleeping. I believe she got a ticket that day.
All through High School Jessica did not date, sometimes I wondered and I waited. We were living in Alpine and Jessica was taking a class at (I think) Grossmont. She was so excited when she met Wakiza. I did not get it but I did my best to support it. We moved to Santee where we would stay for a few years and where Jessica would move out on her own. It was our most difficult period. Wakiza would work to seperate her from friends and family. Jessica is tenacious in making things work; Jobs, finances, relationships. It would be some long and painful years but it would eventually pass. I was living in Normal Heights by then and Jessica would move away from Wakiza for the last time. In debt and finally talking to a therapist who had her best interests in mind, Jessica would turn her life around. She started new relationships, she would re-establish old ones, she went back to school, she would be Jessica Colomb again.
After some healing Jessica would run into an old friend. Both of them were convinced by friends to go clubbing and once together they would recognise each other as soul mates, kindred spirits. Jessica had even worked with Greg's mom for a while, making such an impression on Joyce that she would think "if only I could get Greg and Jessica together". Fate even had a back up plan, Jury Duty!!
Jessica and Greg have themselves firmly planted on the road of life. When I told my friends that Jessica "had to get married" they looked at me with a look that said "have you lost your mind?" Eveyone that knows Jessica knows that she is intelligent, goal oriented and would not be pregnant! The government says you must be a spouse in order to accompany your SO to an overseas assignment so on July 23rd 2005 Jessica Colomb and Gregory Magnuson got married. It was a great ceremony at the courthouse and a wonderful family reception at ED. Later, Jessica would plan and execute a fabulous friends and family reception/going away party.
My daughter and son-in-law would give me the best 50th birthday ever! My time in Italy was incredible. I felt like a queen for 3 1/2 weeks. I got to enjoy being with my family in some lovely places and stored up so many fantastic memories. I can't be with Jessica for her 30th but seeing as how we moved Christmas about on a regular basis I guess we can celebrate anything anywhere anytime. Life is about taking everyday and making it as special as you can, just thinking about Jessica can make my day special.
I love you baby!
Jessica's friend was also hit by a car while we lived there. I was home when it happened. I remembered the curtains were drawn, the car tires squeeled and there was a horrific thud. I ran to the balcony, my heart in my throat. The relief at seeing it was not my child was replaced with the normal concern for her friend.
Our move from there was the starting point for many years of moving about. Our shortest stay was 6 months in La Mesa. We were the downstairs tenants in a house. Thin floors/ceilings allowed me to listen to the drunk upstairs neighbor snore as he passed out above me. Jess had this great room while we were there. The curtains were so thick..... I had gone to Arizona for a seminar but I decided to call Jessica one morning. It was obvious that it had been nice and quiet and dark...she was sleeping. I believe she got a ticket that day.
All through High School Jessica did not date, sometimes I wondered and I waited. We were living in Alpine and Jessica was taking a class at (I think) Grossmont. She was so excited when she met Wakiza. I did not get it but I did my best to support it. We moved to Santee where we would stay for a few years and where Jessica would move out on her own. It was our most difficult period. Wakiza would work to seperate her from friends and family. Jessica is tenacious in making things work; Jobs, finances, relationships. It would be some long and painful years but it would eventually pass. I was living in Normal Heights by then and Jessica would move away from Wakiza for the last time. In debt and finally talking to a therapist who had her best interests in mind, Jessica would turn her life around. She started new relationships, she would re-establish old ones, she went back to school, she would be Jessica Colomb again.
After some healing Jessica would run into an old friend. Both of them were convinced by friends to go clubbing and once together they would recognise each other as soul mates, kindred spirits. Jessica had even worked with Greg's mom for a while, making such an impression on Joyce that she would think "if only I could get Greg and Jessica together". Fate even had a back up plan, Jury Duty!!
Jessica and Greg have themselves firmly planted on the road of life. When I told my friends that Jessica "had to get married" they looked at me with a look that said "have you lost your mind?" Eveyone that knows Jessica knows that she is intelligent, goal oriented and would not be pregnant! The government says you must be a spouse in order to accompany your SO to an overseas assignment so on July 23rd 2005 Jessica Colomb and Gregory Magnuson got married. It was a great ceremony at the courthouse and a wonderful family reception at ED. Later, Jessica would plan and execute a fabulous friends and family reception/going away party.
My daughter and son-in-law would give me the best 50th birthday ever! My time in Italy was incredible. I felt like a queen for 3 1/2 weeks. I got to enjoy being with my family in some lovely places and stored up so many fantastic memories. I can't be with Jessica for her 30th but seeing as how we moved Christmas about on a regular basis I guess we can celebrate anything anywhere anytime. Life is about taking everyday and making it as special as you can, just thinking about Jessica can make my day special.
I love you baby!
Friday, January 05, 2007
Part 2
We lived in Fresno from 1981 till 1989. We moved from that 1st one bedroom into a 2 bedroom apartment and then into a 2 bedroom bungalow. The manager and her family became friends. Jessica's first "official" baby-sitter was our next door neighbor. She lasted for a couple years. Jessica would (at the tender age of 4 1/2) get up and go next door to Dorothy's. We quit Dorothy when she dated another neighbor and left Jessica with her schizophrenic friend who often failed to take her meds. By now the friendship with Eva and Steve and their kids was firm. Our 2 BR apartment's back door was right next to Eve's kitchen door. The whole get up and go to the neighbor's thing continued. It is no wonder she is so self confident, she had to be.
We actually had a report against us with CPS about the time we changed sitters. Dorothy's BF reported us. The school was shocked, Jessica is so well adjusted, Her mom is great! Eva also pitched in....it was "illegal" to leave your kid "alone" before the age of 12.
We had great fun there. My sister yelled at her kids for shaking the table on one visit, her first earthquake. We had a frightening crash sound in the front during our 2 br stay. The apartments were set up in a U around the pool. Some guy had driven his car through the fence and was in the pool. We had him in our place with towels and the phone. We also had a major car accident there....however I do have to re-count my own 30th birthday in order to get further.
Eva and I would go clubbing, some other friends too. So for my 30th we went out. Jessica was spending the night at their house with the kids. That was when I picked up My Bad BF. He would stay in our lives for nearly 6 years. As Jessica now realizes, a person is not always capable of making good decisions when it comes to those sort of relationships. If I had not dated Mobin then we might not have moved to SD and she might not have met Greg, so it is all in the journey.
Jessica has always been such a trooper. Our accident was Mobin driving and not paying attention. He rear ended an older Camaro. Totalled my car. That was before regular wear of the seat belt so our gaurdian angel was working overtime. I hit the windshield and had a headache for weeks, broke the windshield. Jessica thankfully did not go through the windshield but I think she might have broken her jaw......poor kid! Fonder memories include the kids dancing, sleepovers, and that 4 poster/canopy bed. Telling everyone she met our phone number....Jess, just if you get lost. Finally asking that "color" question....why is his hand (palm) so white? When she was young Jessica loved my medical books.
Our last year there we moved into another complex, not as much fun, though we had ducks and ponds, the property was nice....Jessica did get the big bedroom! I am sure that there are many more memories from Fresno. Times were lean, we ate Spam and Mac and Cheese. We got free fruits from friends, neighbors. Furniture and even a Christmas Tree were given to us. I try to return the favor now that I can, it feels good.
I grew up with Jessica in Fresno. I learned to kill my own spiders, pay my bills and deal with the daily challenges of, not only life in general, but life as a single parent and student. Does the child reflect the parent or does the parent changes and adapt to the child. I think it is a bit of both.
1989 will see us on the road to SD for the final trip (used to go down often on the weekend after Mobin moved back there to be with family).
We actually had a report against us with CPS about the time we changed sitters. Dorothy's BF reported us. The school was shocked, Jessica is so well adjusted, Her mom is great! Eva also pitched in....it was "illegal" to leave your kid "alone" before the age of 12.
We had great fun there. My sister yelled at her kids for shaking the table on one visit, her first earthquake. We had a frightening crash sound in the front during our 2 br stay. The apartments were set up in a U around the pool. Some guy had driven his car through the fence and was in the pool. We had him in our place with towels and the phone. We also had a major car accident there....however I do have to re-count my own 30th birthday in order to get further.
Eva and I would go clubbing, some other friends too. So for my 30th we went out. Jessica was spending the night at their house with the kids. That was when I picked up My Bad BF. He would stay in our lives for nearly 6 years. As Jessica now realizes, a person is not always capable of making good decisions when it comes to those sort of relationships. If I had not dated Mobin then we might not have moved to SD and she might not have met Greg, so it is all in the journey.
Jessica has always been such a trooper. Our accident was Mobin driving and not paying attention. He rear ended an older Camaro. Totalled my car. That was before regular wear of the seat belt so our gaurdian angel was working overtime. I hit the windshield and had a headache for weeks, broke the windshield. Jessica thankfully did not go through the windshield but I think she might have broken her jaw......poor kid! Fonder memories include the kids dancing, sleepovers, and that 4 poster/canopy bed. Telling everyone she met our phone number....Jess, just if you get lost. Finally asking that "color" question....why is his hand (palm) so white? When she was young Jessica loved my medical books.
Our last year there we moved into another complex, not as much fun, though we had ducks and ponds, the property was nice....Jessica did get the big bedroom! I am sure that there are many more memories from Fresno. Times were lean, we ate Spam and Mac and Cheese. We got free fruits from friends, neighbors. Furniture and even a Christmas Tree were given to us. I try to return the favor now that I can, it feels good.
I grew up with Jessica in Fresno. I learned to kill my own spiders, pay my bills and deal with the daily challenges of, not only life in general, but life as a single parent and student. Does the child reflect the parent or does the parent changes and adapt to the child. I think it is a bit of both.
1989 will see us on the road to SD for the final trip (used to go down often on the weekend after Mobin moved back there to be with family).
Adults, children and birthdays: Part 1
This year on January 29th my daughter turns 30. This seems to stick in my head as bizarre and un-natural much more than the fact that I turned 50.
I (obvously) had Jessica when I was 20. I had come home after a rather unsuccessful attempt at Nurses training in Albany New York. I was working as a nursing assistant in Burlington, going out most weekends to my favorite bar in Rousse Point NY. Living at home with my parents which made my mother pretty happy. I was pretty irresponsible.
As time rolls on you event of the past get jumbled. I was "seeing" one of the bartenders at the time. He was divorced and had a little girl but really did not seem to want anything more. I had just quit seeing this hunk from Canada, Daniel Racine. One of those, he doesn't speak much English, I don't speak much French. Didn't matter. Several months into the bartender thing I started to "miss" my period......I have never been a good historian so it was just like "when did I? I had started to gain weight and my tolerance for fish, booze and cigarettes had gone south. My mother cornered me in the kitchen (somethings are clear as day) and got me to admit that I was most likely pregnant.
Everyone was excited but me...I was shell shocked. We were told if we wanted any type of assistance I would need to move out and go on welfare. Got to love the government. So I stayed home and was still covered by my dad's insurance when I produced my daughter.
I always like to tell everyone about my labor. It was before people were big into planing anad classes. I never even had an Ultra Sound. My BP had been high so I was already in the hospital (not complying well to the bedrest thing). In the late afternoon of 1/28 I started having moderately intense, and very regular, menstual cramps. I called my sister to ask her (4 children and a couple of miscarriages for her) what it was like. She said she would keep the driveway clear. At about 11p I decided I was no longer OK with the way I felt and called for a nurse. I got the condesending "you're fine, take this and you'll rest". Well I took what ever they gave me but within 15-20 minutes I had decided to once again assert to the nurses that I was indeed in labor and promptly tossed up the pill thay had given me. I must have been pretty advanced because the nurses started running around like chickens with their heads cut off (that has always been one of those odd sayings). My sister arrived a bit before 1a and some idiot anesthesiologist went ahead with an epidural for a child that was nearly delivered! Dr. Wirts slowed Jessica's progress out to suction out her mouth as my sister, proud mother of 4 boys, threatened to come and take over if he did not promptly display the sex organs of this child!! So at 1:29a on 1/29/77 I delivered Jessica Lynn Colomb.
I don't know when I became a mother though. As a fairly unprepared post teen I really had no idea what I was in for. Maybe I became a mother the day I decided to leave my parents home. Jessica was a joy to raise. We had old fashioned discipline, none of this "now honey don't touch that hot stove cause the heat is going through and the electricity....." just don't touch!! Moving to California was a real crazy thing in the eyes of my mother. Another one of those clear as day moments, standing in the living room, she is yelling at me for taking her grand daughter away, people in California are crazy, I hope someday your child treats you the way you are treating me. But she came with us to California to make sure we got settled OK. The saddest thing was saying goodbye to my dad that morning and wathching him on the back step of the house.
Fresno was my first taste of real freedom. Crazy was not far from my mind. We had a little one bedroom and mom insisted we rent to own furniture...got rid of the furniture as soon as she left. Jessica got the bedroom though. As a grown adult who had slept in the same room as my mother for all of my life I was not about to do that to my kid. Jessica would benefit from this well into adulthood, masterbedroom all the way.
Fresno Life: to be continued
I (obvously) had Jessica when I was 20. I had come home after a rather unsuccessful attempt at Nurses training in Albany New York. I was working as a nursing assistant in Burlington, going out most weekends to my favorite bar in Rousse Point NY. Living at home with my parents which made my mother pretty happy. I was pretty irresponsible.
As time rolls on you event of the past get jumbled. I was "seeing" one of the bartenders at the time. He was divorced and had a little girl but really did not seem to want anything more. I had just quit seeing this hunk from Canada, Daniel Racine. One of those, he doesn't speak much English, I don't speak much French. Didn't matter. Several months into the bartender thing I started to "miss" my period......I have never been a good historian so it was just like "when did I? I had started to gain weight and my tolerance for fish, booze and cigarettes had gone south. My mother cornered me in the kitchen (somethings are clear as day) and got me to admit that I was most likely pregnant.
Everyone was excited but me...I was shell shocked. We were told if we wanted any type of assistance I would need to move out and go on welfare. Got to love the government. So I stayed home and was still covered by my dad's insurance when I produced my daughter.
I always like to tell everyone about my labor. It was before people were big into planing anad classes. I never even had an Ultra Sound. My BP had been high so I was already in the hospital (not complying well to the bedrest thing). In the late afternoon of 1/28 I started having moderately intense, and very regular, menstual cramps. I called my sister to ask her (4 children and a couple of miscarriages for her) what it was like. She said she would keep the driveway clear. At about 11p I decided I was no longer OK with the way I felt and called for a nurse. I got the condesending "you're fine, take this and you'll rest". Well I took what ever they gave me but within 15-20 minutes I had decided to once again assert to the nurses that I was indeed in labor and promptly tossed up the pill thay had given me. I must have been pretty advanced because the nurses started running around like chickens with their heads cut off (that has always been one of those odd sayings). My sister arrived a bit before 1a and some idiot anesthesiologist went ahead with an epidural for a child that was nearly delivered! Dr. Wirts slowed Jessica's progress out to suction out her mouth as my sister, proud mother of 4 boys, threatened to come and take over if he did not promptly display the sex organs of this child!! So at 1:29a on 1/29/77 I delivered Jessica Lynn Colomb.
I don't know when I became a mother though. As a fairly unprepared post teen I really had no idea what I was in for. Maybe I became a mother the day I decided to leave my parents home. Jessica was a joy to raise. We had old fashioned discipline, none of this "now honey don't touch that hot stove cause the heat is going through and the electricity....." just don't touch!! Moving to California was a real crazy thing in the eyes of my mother. Another one of those clear as day moments, standing in the living room, she is yelling at me for taking her grand daughter away, people in California are crazy, I hope someday your child treats you the way you are treating me. But she came with us to California to make sure we got settled OK. The saddest thing was saying goodbye to my dad that morning and wathching him on the back step of the house.
Fresno was my first taste of real freedom. Crazy was not far from my mind. We had a little one bedroom and mom insisted we rent to own furniture...got rid of the furniture as soon as she left. Jessica got the bedroom though. As a grown adult who had slept in the same room as my mother for all of my life I was not about to do that to my kid. Jessica would benefit from this well into adulthood, masterbedroom all the way.
Fresno Life: to be continued
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