Sherman's March....

I mentioned this morning that this is what it feels like to live in San Diego County this week. First there was the Harris fire. It was tucked in the low edge of the east county , down near the border. Sunday and Monday it was slow, not so threatening although the first life lost was there.
The second fire was Witch Creek, a little north and East of the town of Ramona. On Sunday it was just a toddler, by Tuesday it would reach 165,000 acres, over 500 homes left in ash, 250-300 damaged, commercial losses over 100 units.
As with the Atlanta population and Sherman, Californians fled, over 320,000 people evacuated, nearly 8,000 people sleeping in the stadium, thousands more strewn about the county in churches, schools and the fair grounds. Evacuations centers listed as animal friendly.....large animals, small animals. What do you choose to take with you??? What is your life outlined by?
My mother, in her eternal wisdom, has the "someone isn't doing their job" concept going. I can not deal with that attitude. The winds in town have been gentle compared to what is out there, reporters are nearly knocked on their asses, flames shoot sideways and ash flies for 1/2 mile or more before tucking under the eaves of the next home to go down or the bed of dried pine needles.
Today many people are being allowed to go home, 1000's will have nothing to pick up but a few broken dishes or tarnished metal. I was there when my friend Noreen returned to her home after the Cedar Fire, that is all we saw.
This is the view from my back yard as the Harris fire creeps into Spring Valley. There are mountains of dried pine needles back there from the winds we had in the city. We are getting help from all over the country and the weather is less windy though still dry and hot. I am lucky to be where I am, I know that there is enough between me and those fires that are creating that smoke bank to keep me safe. I sent my $$ to the Red Cross. The true numbers of acreage and homes loss will not be known completely for some time, we will rebuild though, and hopefully learn some lessons from this.
But maybe not....2 smaller fires were started from morons who threw cigarette butts out their car window.

Never enough

I try so hard to make my mother's life good. She resides in the master bedroom. I cook her awesome meals. I clean, shop, everything. She has the kitchen totally arranged to meet her needs; microwave on the table along with 2 small bottle of water, banana bowl, medications, individual coffee mates, sugar and dried fruit, as well as her high intensity lamp. I don't sit in the kitchen. I would like to but I can't, the wheel chair is not my idea of a kitchen seat.

Recently her difficulty at getting up from the wheel chair had led to many complaints about the floor being too slippery. She can't ever admit to the fact that she is weak, that she wears inappropriate footwear. So after some heavy thinking I came up with the idea of using the spray adhesive to glue patches of inner tube to the front soles of her slippers ( remember this one style of slippers is all she will wear). She wore them right away but did not really give me any feedback. Then today she is like, "do you have some more inner tube that I can put onto another pair of slippers?" Like she could do this job......yeah right. She knows she can't do it but she will not ask me outright. "when you change the cat litter make sure you take the empty bag out" or to the grandparents on Sunday, "I never go anywhere except my foot doctor" ( I am still being punished for not taking her to lunch that day because I was fucking SICK!)

I think she wants something as she was asking me what my schedule was for next week. She can't just tell me what she needs, that would be too easy. I am sure the cold weather complaints will start soon as she lounges about in her silky, sleeveless nighty and her threadbare bathrobe. The bathrobe was purchased for her by my brother before he died so it has taken on the honor associated with things such as the Holy Grail. We have bought many robes since but none ever satisfy her and once the green ghost is cleaned it is back on her, even though it is thin as can be thereby allowing for complaint of cold if the temperature in her room is below 78-80.

As she walked past me after her lunch I had the scissors in my hand, ready to start the slipper repair and I wondered how I would do in jail...........

Winning the Lottery

There was some birthday card-saying-thing recently that basically said "if your dreams are small they will be granted". I dream of winning the Lotto and fantasize about what I would do with all that money but truthfully I know that it will never happen to me. But in keeping with the small things concept I believe that my life has become the jackpot.
I had a great time with my 4 closest friends on Friday night (actual birthday). Then I had more folks over on Saturday. I feel so wonderful inside when everyone is in my house, kicking back, talking and talking (and eating and eating....). Watching the love and relationships that exist is so wonderful and fulfilling. On Sunday the grandparents were here and had fun although Mabel did cause some stress it was not the focal point.
Tonight I went back to work at API and was presented with an Ice Cream Cake, sung Happy Birthday to and received a stunning Orchid all dressed in a lovely pot. Everyone signed the card and my supervisor made me a very personal gift (a laniard is a break-away beaded chain to hang your badge on). I have worked there for 4 months and this was way more than I had expected.
I would love to be skinny and in perfect health, but that is probably just a bit more attainable than the Lotto. I have a dog who loves me unconditionally, people respect and care for me at work. I have friends who will babysit the old girl so I can take trips. I have a daughter and a son-in-law who are intelligent and self supporting and kind. I have a home that is warm and comforting and has "me" in every (almost every) room. I guess on the grand scheme of things I am pretty much a winner, blessed, fortunate. Whatever word you would want to use, it all seems to result in contentment.

One more year...

Yeah, 51 of them total. They go by so fast and this year there have been so many changes, things that I thought were stable. The new job has been awesome for my current life situation. I feel like I can be here for mom and still have some personal time and I get paid well. I will eventually want a job with weekends and evenings off, holidays cause family and friends do come first.
When Mom talks about some friend of hers that is 95 I cringe. She loses more and more of her abilities everyday and she will not do Physical Therapy. She refuses to participate in effective pain control. I told her today that I hoped I would age better than she does, she thinks it is just about the physical stuff but for her it is communication, or lack of it. She has no idea about others health and focuses only on her own, she has always been that way.
Having been told by the audiologist that mom's hearing is not as bad as she makes it seem I wonder what the motivation is for sitting there and ignoring me when I tell her things. These days it is either that or pure forgetfulness. I tell her about plans for the weekend and then she acts all surprised when my friends show up. When Hank and Mary came over mom could only complain about the slippery floors and the brakes and wheels on the w/c, she can't say that the problem is with her, with her insistence on a certain type of useless slipper and the unwillingness to try something else. She can't admit that she should be doing PT or that just maybe we should be looking at other options for her living arrangements (I would most likely have to look for that second job...).
Last night the little girl next door came over and she spent time in with Mabel, she actually likes hanging around and talking to her. Mom was doing her side door complaints about Alex being so talkative, "wound up", "she talks so softly". Pat and Dara both did their duty with her, Melissa said she had had enough when she got her the tea and did not do any visit last night. It is a sad life, one I hope to avoid. I hope that I can say to someone....my cataracts are getting bad I can't tell what color that is (today it was... look how faded the trunk is, that section of the trunk was against the wall, not exposed to sunlight..maybe it's your vision mom). I want to control my pain and not have it be the centerpiece of conversation. I want to make people smile and I want them to want to see me, not avoid me.
Overall it was a nice birthday and I should be so very happy that I have just one source major stress but it is a large pile.........

Mexican Masacre

It was terrible! Such carnage!
Actually it was fabulous, Enchiladas Del Mar and a lovely Margarita (not pizza)! Sitting in the open air on a lovely California day, I was more than a little relaxed. Such a terrible way to spend a Monday off.......

Happy Days

Well this was my buddy for an hour today. I totally enjoy going to Grossmont just to kick around. You leave your license and a credit card at the desk and they give you some cute furry little creature to play with for an hour. This guy will grow to about 30# and does not shed, he did love to chew and sniff though!