Sharing and Technology

When Jessica and Greg signed up for the Italy stint the first thing I did was to upgrade from dial-up to DSL. I knew that there would be a need for faster and more powerful computer power. Days when you can share a sunset with your loved ones even though they live on the other side of the world are really special...

United States Postal Service

I want to say that they do a fine job. I really don't use them much as all my bills are auto pay or ATM. I receive tons of mail, mostly unsolicited. But since the kids have ended up in Italy we have had multiple occaisons to utilize the "flat rate" boxes.

You can put anything not flammable, liquid, etc. in these boxes for (now) $8.10. When I shipped the cast iron grill plate...it was an incredible savings! You do have to limit yourself to one of the 2 boxes they have. One of the clerks recently told me some guy tried to tape 2 of them together...I think he missed the point that regular size is more important in shipping than weight. They did not accept his modification.

All that being said, they don't do cakes very well. Therefore Jessica will be receiving Birthday Cookies instead.

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning is one of those "feelings" that you wish could last longer. You do anything to draw it out, savor the feeling of Sunday morning.
I personally love the Egrets feet, what lovely shoes!!

2007

As we enter this year I have turned 50, my mother will turn 91 and my daughter 30. The dog is 11 and I think the cat is near 15. Some of us are obviously getting older than others but the direction of life is pretty consistent. There is no reverse, just turns and forward.
When I turned 50 in October 06 I said it was better than the alternative, that is still my feeling. It is not easy though to hit these later years. Your body aches, your bladder is weak and you got to keep ahead of those damn grey hairs. But at least there is tomorrow and tomorrow is a new and clean palate.
I am looking for a new job. Dara and I talked about a catering business today, we would leave finances and management to Melissa. Fortunes turn, new doors open. There is something to look forward to, sometimes you just have to move an obstruction.

Life's little pleasures....

Pleasure is something that can be huge..."I won the Lotto!!" or as with most pleasures....Sammie gave me love even though we didn't go for an evening walk.

1. Consumers who make me laugh
2. Chocolate (minimum 60%) with some sort of "cello"
3. Knowing that what I drive makes the world a little cleaner
4. Being able to live with those dog hair "dust bunnies"
5. Finally being able to taste my meal after several days of having no taste buds
6. Seeing my daughter and son-in-law all over my house and on my work and personal computers
7. Crawling into bed at a decent hour and sleeping through the night

So there is balance in everything but you can't blame a person for wanting less frustration and more pleasure.

Life's little frustrations..

It's an old saying, meant to lessen the impact of those glitches that occur in the daily grind. At what point do they become more than little frustrations, is there a quota?

1. Mom wants to have a "handyman" come into my house to dump garbage and help her with her cat litter. Anything is better than asking me for help.
2. People at work who call me when I am not the on-call
3. Getting sick just when I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for nursing coverage at work
4. Mom playing the martyr..."is that some of those fruit you made bread out of?" I finally figured out she was talking about persimmons. No, the fruit is grapefruit (doesn't look anything like persimmons). See, she doesn't eat anything that is not on her shelves. I am not the one who set this up. It is a huge frustration to be unable to use my kitchen efficiently.
5. San Diego Sports fans, tons of them jump on the wagon when the team is playing well but now they will all crawl under the rugs again. Shallow fools!
6. Mom's unwillingness to ask for a simple favor. "You know I really like that bean salad. I thought it was all gone but there's some in there". The jar is too big for her to handle and so I will put some in a smaller container. Well, I havebeen busy and now sick but I was supposed to KNOW what she needed without her expressing it out loud.
7. People who make the same stupid mistakes over and over again. I have a friend who dates drinking buddies and wonders why they turn out to be losers.

That is the gripe for the day and it will be balanced because thankfully there are some great things that happen everyday too.

Snowflakes in San DIego

I was up early today and took the dog to the park in the car d/t my recent/current flu. I see out of the corner of my eye a yellow light on the dashboard......OH MY GAWD! It is the dread SNOWFLAKE icon! Toyota has this yellow snowflake (har! har!) that shows up when the temp hits 37F. It goes with the adage "bridges freeze before the road". It's not like I don't know that it is cold out. As you can see the daily patch of ice on the front lawn reminds you it is cold, my frost bitten trumpet tree reminds me we have been having cold weather. I did want some wintery weather but I was hoping for California winter, damp, rainy and 50's, it is warmer in some north eastern states. Mom, of course, believes that she is being frozen to death if the room temp is not 75-80 through out the house. I, on the other hand, believe in dressing appropriately for the weather.

Saturday in Carlsbad

Southern California is an interesting place to live. We have what most people would consider great weather. Hard to believe that you can actually yearn for a thunderstorm. Because people here are from so many different places you will often see the most odd collection of clothing on just a few folks.

The boy at the fountain has a long sleeve shirt, the woman behind him is sleeveless and the lady next to her was one of many with "fur" trimmed coats.

The California roads are also a challenge. We are a busy and usually distracted bunch of people, therefore we frequently run into each other. The Lexus SUV that was also involved did not look like there was any damage but it was taken away on a flat bed.

Toyota Carlsbad

I told the sales guys there that they had the easiest job in the county, it was like they were shooting fish in a barrel!!

There is five of the Ford people in one photo, they get to watch the action from across the street. Behind the palm fronds are 6 Dodge reps, 2 more were at the other end of their very empty lot. Then there is a pic of one of many Toyota sales. The sales people there were really earning their big bucks! As soon as they passed off one buyer to financing or prep, another was waiting. New cars were driving on and off the lot like it was rush hour, not just test drives. "I have an F150 to trade in", "an Expedition", "I traded my Lexus for a Prius". There was some business at Honda and VW but the traffic in the Toyota Carlsbad lot was amazing.

I don't know if it is the truly nice employees at TC that makes me take my car all the way up there, or just the chance to shop at the mall. At least it was a beautiful sunny day.

The Gift of Life

When you look back on your writings sometimes you can see tings that were not in your mind when you wrote the original words (beyond a few typos).

We live in a world with laws about dog care, smoking, how to build a house and many other things. Gays can't marry yet heterosexuals don't seem to do a very good job of marriage themselves. Yet it is easier to have a child than it is to adopt a puppy from the pound.

I have heard many of my friends say it about raising their children....I am not going to be like my mother/father. My need to have Jessica in her own bedroom was part of my childhood. We learn good and bad from every experience in life. Some parents look for wisdom in a book or other "program" for parenting.

There is no Golden Rule, no panacea. All you can do is learn and apply the basics:

• CPR and basic medical care
• some level of simple cooking
• listening skills; listen to your child and to others who talk to you about your child
• your child is an individual not your little carbon copy, treat him/her like they are special
• be The Parent, it is ok that your child has a tiny little fear (the sleepover story supports this-spilt chocolate milk, Jessica tellling her friend that she has to tell her mom, frien going "no, no", Jessica tells, I calmly have them clean it up)

Life is the ultimate gift and it should be lived well. The best thing to remember is to do your best and learn to be forgiving because everyone screws up and learning is lifelong.

Our San Diego

Jessica has "wander lust" from years of not staying in one place. Even in the 7 years we were in the one complex in Frsno, we lived in 3 different units. San Diego was no different. First was the 2 story town house, then the apartment across from Patrick Henry. That was another one of those eventful places. My sister had passed away while we were living there and I was having trouble sleeping. I had taken some Benedryl and was close to sleep but that Black cat of mine would not let me be. I had heard what I thought was a broken sprinkler but as I heard people outside saying things like "do you think there is anyone in there?" I started to wake up to the realization that the sound was not water. I could see the flames and embers flying past the living room window, yellow glowing from the kitchen. I threw my clothes on and went to get Jessica. Our neighbors place was on fire and was totally gutted. We had no phone service for a while and there were smoke burns on the floor in the kitchen. We were lucky.

Jessica's friend was also hit by a car while we lived there. I was home when it happened. I remembered the curtains were drawn, the car tires squeeled and there was a horrific thud. I ran to the balcony, my heart in my throat. The relief at seeing it was not my child was replaced with the normal concern for her friend.

Our move from there was the starting point for many years of moving about. Our shortest stay was 6 months in La Mesa. We were the downstairs tenants in a house. Thin floors/ceilings allowed me to listen to the drunk upstairs neighbor snore as he passed out above me. Jess had this great room while we were there. The curtains were so thick..... I had gone to Arizona for a seminar but I decided to call Jessica one morning. It was obvious that it had been nice and quiet and dark...she was sleeping. I believe she got a ticket that day.

All through High School Jessica did not date, sometimes I wondered and I waited. We were living in Alpine and Jessica was taking a class at (I think) Grossmont. She was so excited when she met Wakiza. I did not get it but I did my best to support it. We moved to Santee where we would stay for a few years and where Jessica would move out on her own. It was our most difficult period. Wakiza would work to seperate her from friends and family. Jessica is tenacious in making things work; Jobs, finances, relationships. It would be some long and painful years but it would eventually pass. I was living in Normal Heights by then and Jessica would move away from Wakiza for the last time. In debt and finally talking to a therapist who had her best interests in mind, Jessica would turn her life around. She started new relationships, she would re-establish old ones, she went back to school, she would be Jessica Colomb again.

After some healing Jessica would run into an old friend. Both of them were convinced by friends to go clubbing and once together they would recognise each other as soul mates, kindred spirits. Jessica had even worked with Greg's mom for a while, making such an impression on Joyce that she would think "if only I could get Greg and Jessica together". Fate even had a back up plan, Jury Duty!!

Jessica and Greg have themselves firmly planted on the road of life. When I told my friends that Jessica "had to get married" they looked at me with a look that said "have you lost your mind?" Eveyone that knows Jessica knows that she is intelligent, goal oriented and would not be pregnant! The government says you must be a spouse in order to accompany your SO to an overseas assignment so on July 23rd 2005 Jessica Colomb and Gregory Magnuson got married. It was a great ceremony at the courthouse and a wonderful family reception at ED. Later, Jessica would plan and execute a fabulous friends and family reception/going away party.

My daughter and son-in-law would give me the best 50th birthday ever! My time in Italy was incredible. I felt like a queen for 3 1/2 weeks. I got to enjoy being with my family in some lovely places and stored up so many fantastic memories. I can't be with Jessica for her 30th but seeing as how we moved Christmas about on a regular basis I guess we can celebrate anything anywhere anytime. Life is about taking everyday and making it as special as you can, just thinking about Jessica can make my day special.

I love you baby!

Part 2

We lived in Fresno from 1981 till 1989. We moved from that 1st one bedroom into a 2 bedroom apartment and then into a 2 bedroom bungalow. The manager and her family became friends. Jessica's first "official" baby-sitter was our next door neighbor. She lasted for a couple years. Jessica would (at the tender age of 4 1/2) get up and go next door to Dorothy's. We quit Dorothy when she dated another neighbor and left Jessica with her schizophrenic friend who often failed to take her meds. By now the friendship with Eva and Steve and their kids was firm. Our 2 BR apartment's back door was right next to Eve's kitchen door. The whole get up and go to the neighbor's thing continued. It is no wonder she is so self confident, she had to be.

We actually had a report against us with CPS about the time we changed sitters. Dorothy's BF reported us. The school was shocked, Jessica is so well adjusted, Her mom is great! Eva also pitched in....it was "illegal" to leave your kid "alone" before the age of 12.

We had great fun there. My sister yelled at her kids for shaking the table on one visit, her first earthquake. We had a frightening crash sound in the front during our 2 br stay. The apartments were set up in a U around the pool. Some guy had driven his car through the fence and was in the pool. We had him in our place with towels and the phone. We also had a major car accident there....however I do have to re-count my own 30th birthday in order to get further.

Eva and I would go clubbing, some other friends too. So for my 30th we went out. Jessica was spending the night at their house with the kids. That was when I picked up My Bad BF. He would stay in our lives for nearly 6 years. As Jessica now realizes, a person is not always capable of making good decisions when it comes to those sort of relationships. If I had not dated Mobin then we might not have moved to SD and she might not have met Greg, so it is all in the journey.

Jessica has always been such a trooper. Our accident was Mobin driving and not paying attention. He rear ended an older Camaro. Totalled my car. That was before regular wear of the seat belt so our gaurdian angel was working overtime. I hit the windshield and had a headache for weeks, broke the windshield. Jessica thankfully did not go through the windshield but I think she might have broken her jaw......poor kid! Fonder memories include the kids dancing, sleepovers, and that 4 poster/canopy bed. Telling everyone she met our phone number....Jess, just if you get lost. Finally asking that "color" question....why is his hand (palm) so white? When she was young Jessica loved my medical books.

Our last year there we moved into another complex, not as much fun, though we had ducks and ponds, the property was nice....Jessica did get the big bedroom! I am sure that there are many more memories from Fresno. Times were lean, we ate Spam and Mac and Cheese. We got free fruits from friends, neighbors. Furniture and even a Christmas Tree were given to us. I try to return the favor now that I can, it feels good.

I grew up with Jessica in Fresno. I learned to kill my own spiders, pay my bills and deal with the daily challenges of, not only life in general, but life as a single parent and student. Does the child reflect the parent or does the parent changes and adapt to the child. I think it is a bit of both.

1989 will see us on the road to SD for the final trip (used to go down often on the weekend after Mobin moved back there to be with family).

Adults, children and birthdays: Part 1

This year on January 29th my daughter turns 30. This seems to stick in my head as bizarre and un-natural much more than the fact that I turned 50.

I (obvously) had Jessica when I was 20. I had come home after a rather unsuccessful attempt at Nurses training in Albany New York. I was working as a nursing assistant in Burlington, going out most weekends to my favorite bar in Rousse Point NY. Living at home with my parents which made my mother pretty happy. I was pretty irresponsible.

As time rolls on you event of the past get jumbled. I was "seeing" one of the bartenders at the time. He was divorced and had a little girl but really did not seem to want anything more. I had just quit seeing this hunk from Canada, Daniel Racine. One of those, he doesn't speak much English, I don't speak much French. Didn't matter. Several months into the bartender thing I started to "miss" my period......I have never been a good historian so it was just like "when did I? I had started to gain weight and my tolerance for fish, booze and cigarettes had gone south. My mother cornered me in the kitchen (somethings are clear as day) and got me to admit that I was most likely pregnant.

Everyone was excited but me...I was shell shocked. We were told if we wanted any type of assistance I would need to move out and go on welfare. Got to love the government. So I stayed home and was still covered by my dad's insurance when I produced my daughter.

I always like to tell everyone about my labor. It was before people were big into planing anad classes. I never even had an Ultra Sound. My BP had been high so I was already in the hospital (not complying well to the bedrest thing). In the late afternoon of 1/28 I started having moderately intense, and very regular, menstual cramps. I called my sister to ask her (4 children and a couple of miscarriages for her) what it was like. She said she would keep the driveway clear. At about 11p I decided I was no longer OK with the way I felt and called for a nurse. I got the condesending "you're fine, take this and you'll rest". Well I took what ever they gave me but within 15-20 minutes I had decided to once again assert to the nurses that I was indeed in labor and promptly tossed up the pill thay had given me. I must have been pretty advanced because the nurses started running around like chickens with their heads cut off (that has always been one of those odd sayings). My sister arrived a bit before 1a and some idiot anesthesiologist went ahead with an epidural for a child that was nearly delivered! Dr. Wirts slowed Jessica's progress out to suction out her mouth as my sister, proud mother of 4 boys, threatened to come and take over if he did not promptly display the sex organs of this child!! So at 1:29a on 1/29/77 I delivered Jessica Lynn Colomb.

I don't know when I became a mother though. As a fairly unprepared post teen I really had no idea what I was in for. Maybe I became a mother the day I decided to leave my parents home. Jessica was a joy to raise. We had old fashioned discipline, none of this "now honey don't touch that hot stove cause the heat is going through and the electricity....." just don't touch!! Moving to California was a real crazy thing in the eyes of my mother. Another one of those clear as day moments, standing in the living room, she is yelling at me for taking her grand daughter away, people in California are crazy, I hope someday your child treats you the way you are treating me. But she came with us to California to make sure we got settled OK. The saddest thing was saying goodbye to my dad that morning and wathching him on the back step of the house.

Fresno was my first taste of real freedom. Crazy was not far from my mind. We had a little one bedroom and mom insisted we rent to own furniture...got rid of the furniture as soon as she left. Jessica got the bedroom though. As a grown adult who had slept in the same room as my mother for all of my life I was not about to do that to my kid. Jessica would benefit from this well into adulthood, masterbedroom all the way.

Fresno Life: to be continued