Contentment

This is something that I realize, more and more as I age, is not an easy thing to achieve. I care for the mentally ill in my current job. I see people who have gone all out for their goals, things that they thought would make them happy. They've had gastric bypass, plastic surgery, hair implants and make-up or hair color. They try to find themselves in an image. Others may be the overachiever, constantly on the go, always improving. Some are happy as they are, impairments and all, like the developmentally disabled that I have served in the past.
Are the people going to school, carrying large and worrisome loans, working OT or 2 jobs to make ends meet, are they content? When that 55 year old attorney looks at herself in the mirror and sees that the creases are returning and her make-up is caked in them, is she content? Some of them cover their emotions in chemical dependency, some are CD because it was what they know, parents, significant others. We had one this month who had the bypass surgery but definitely was not maintaining her weight loss, her husband was leaving her and she was in for detoxification, detox. She had an old back injury and had become quite used to opiate pain relief, muscle relaxants and alcohol. Through her detox she asked for pain meds, cajoling and needling the doctors and nurses for more, more all the time more. They finally discharged her after stopping the detox and referred her back to the pain clinic. She died less than a week later from an overdose of pain killers mixed with some alcohol. She had tried so many ways to make her life something more, to gain contentment. Should we have known how depressed she was? They say it was accidental, no note or anything.
I think contentment is not something you have every day, I think it is moments, periods of time and events that give us contentment. In the mornings when I walk the dog and listen to the birds and smell the grass, I am content. When I have friends over and they are having fun, eating and enjoying my food, I am content. When I have had a good night at work, clean the house or take a picture that comes out just like I wanted, I am content.
I have those wild and crazy dreams.....winning the Lotto, looking at nice houses that I can't afford. But those are "wild and crazy" things, not real life and I know that. I can day dream and then return to real life and real life expectations. My needs are met, I have great friends, fabulous family, I have a lovely home and a rewarding job. I have contentment.