Moving Monday

Monday is Mabel's move date. I am taking her desk down later today. I hope she likes the B&C but this is my mother and she enjoys complaining more than complimenting.

The pressure of dealing with all of this alone is so difficult. If any of my siblings were still alive Mabel would still be in Vermont. At least when I was a single parent I always knew that there was room for growth, as a single caretaking adult child of an elderly parent there is only anticipation of the next decline. My friends (and my mother) think that I am partying every day. Mom also thinks I am selling all of her stuff (it is to be donated to HomeFront San Diego after we have determined what she needs.....emphasis on NEEDS). She called last evening to tell me to have Pat look through her jewelry box to see if there was anything in there she might want, my mother hasn't bought new stuff in over 20 years. I already have the pearls my brother bought in Spain, they truly are quite beautiful. We aren't talking gold and precious jewels here..........

Thank goodness for the dog, she is good for stress relief.

Shallow

I always remember thinking that people in SD were really sort of shallow as I would listen to these made up women talk about the guys they dated. What he drove for a car, how big his place was and such. No one seemed as interested in the little (big) things like taking out the trash, making dinner a couple nights a week.
It is rare to have any sort of relationship where you can really be yourself with that person, where you can get support even when you feel like you are the worst person on earth. People like the shallow end of the pool too well, no danger, easy movement out of reach.
Me, I am in the fuckin' deep end of the pool of life. I am treading water furiously. I don't mind the deep end when you can just float along but these days it's like 20 foot waves and rip currents grabbing at me. There is no life preserver in sight.

Push "START"

Sort of like in the Prius where I just push the START button and the little gas sipper comes to life, so is my life.
I knew that taking the job with the State would signify a new phase. When Mabel had her issue with her elbow and managed to get admitted first to the Hospital and then to a nursing home I could not know how much my life was to change.
While in the hospital and home I have seen my mother nearly everyday. It is tiring, I have lists, I listen to complaints (although after my weekend talk with her I have heard very few complaints), I still do laundry but no longer "have" to cook. The room is ready at Casa del Sol, the Residential Care Facility for the Elderly (RCFE) where mom will hopefully live out her life. The home is in the Chula Vista area. Due to traffic and work I will now be visiting only on the weekends. Hopefully she will form bonds with the people there.
I even get to give up cat duty. It is just so much more gross to clean out that litter box then it is to pick up dog poop while walking. I imagine it is the fact that once the poop is picked up there is nothing remaining of that process. However, the cat litter is not just in the box, it is on the sink, it is on the floor, on the bed. Additionally the whole pooping thing takes place outside, the cat litter is inside and even with removal there is still that smell.......
My life is still in such a flux state I don't dare make too many long range plans. Next weekend will see me running off to Sacramento again, returning by way of Paso Robles (yeah, they aren't really close to each other but I CAN DO THIS NOW!! Dog sitting has always been easier to arrange than Mabel sitting. I can go out with my friends and I don't have to come home by a certain hours.

And sometimes the most pleasurable thing is just sitting in my peaceful house knowing that there is nothing I MUST do. Maybe I will get lonely but this isn't like that short period (5 months) of my life where my daughter moved out and mom moved in...... I am ready for this one. Pray my battery lasts a long time cause I want to relish this for quite a while.