One more year...

Yeah, 51 of them total. They go by so fast and this year there have been so many changes, things that I thought were stable. The new job has been awesome for my current life situation. I feel like I can be here for mom and still have some personal time and I get paid well. I will eventually want a job with weekends and evenings off, holidays cause family and friends do come first.
When Mom talks about some friend of hers that is 95 I cringe. She loses more and more of her abilities everyday and she will not do Physical Therapy. She refuses to participate in effective pain control. I told her today that I hoped I would age better than she does, she thinks it is just about the physical stuff but for her it is communication, or lack of it. She has no idea about others health and focuses only on her own, she has always been that way.
Having been told by the audiologist that mom's hearing is not as bad as she makes it seem I wonder what the motivation is for sitting there and ignoring me when I tell her things. These days it is either that or pure forgetfulness. I tell her about plans for the weekend and then she acts all surprised when my friends show up. When Hank and Mary came over mom could only complain about the slippery floors and the brakes and wheels on the w/c, she can't say that the problem is with her, with her insistence on a certain type of useless slipper and the unwillingness to try something else. She can't admit that she should be doing PT or that just maybe we should be looking at other options for her living arrangements (I would most likely have to look for that second job...).
Last night the little girl next door came over and she spent time in with Mabel, she actually likes hanging around and talking to her. Mom was doing her side door complaints about Alex being so talkative, "wound up", "she talks so softly". Pat and Dara both did their duty with her, Melissa said she had had enough when she got her the tea and did not do any visit last night. It is a sad life, one I hope to avoid. I hope that I can say to someone....my cataracts are getting bad I can't tell what color that is (today it was... look how faded the trunk is, that section of the trunk was against the wall, not exposed to sunlight..maybe it's your vision mom). I want to control my pain and not have it be the centerpiece of conversation. I want to make people smile and I want them to want to see me, not avoid me.
Overall it was a nice birthday and I should be so very happy that I have just one source major stress but it is a large pile.........