Planning Life vs. Planning Death

My mom has been desperately trying to call my nephew. I thought it was entirely for the purpose of learning about what was going on with his break-up. She wants him to give her dress, jewelry, etc. that she wishes to be buried in to the funeral home.
My mother has been planning and talking about her death for years. She has a dress picked out. She has a set of prayer beads that she wants in the casket with her. She even has her casket picked out. Although I am the person she lives with, the person who cooks her meals, cleans her laundry, her room and takes her to appointments and more, I am not the person with whom these items and plans can be trusted.
She always makes it clear to people that they should be sure to tell me that they want (item) when she dies. You see she believes that I will apparently just throw it all away.
My plans include new paint for her room when she is gone, places to visit without needing a babysitter, a new job without ties on how it will affect my ability to be at home to help her with meals and such, putting my kitchen together in a way that is convenient to me. Many of my plans hinge on the chance that she will follow through on her plans before someone decides I need to go first. For right now, I do not plan on my death. I am slightly ashamed to say that I have not finished my estate planning...something that should be done without the morbidity of death as a motivator.
She is old, She is creaky but alas, she is healthy as a horse!