Sorrow

The loss of a love one really does not ever go away completely. It often stays in the back of your mind. You always expect that your parent will die but siblings and friends are harder. The relationships that exist with these individuals also affects our memories.

I dream of my dad and talk to him in difficult times. I do the same with my sister, Joan. Poor Pat was so devastated when I went to see the movie with Susan Sarandon...I think it was "Step Mom". Sarandon's character was so much like Joan and dying of cancer. I bawled. I still can't watch that movie. I have had a couple of intense dreams as well where I am with Joan (and usually dad too)and when I wake up I am sobbing. This morning was one of those. I went to a place where Joan was, not sure if dad was there. Mom was and I walked in walking toward Joan even though I knew Mom would be offended that I went to Joan first. When I hugged Joan it was like I knew that she was not really in my world and when she looked at me her eyes were sad with the same truth. Wake up, sobbing.

As I told the old lady yesterday, life has plenty of sadness. If that is what you dwell on then that is your life. But there is re-birth and beauty around every corner, you just have to be ready.