As a nurse with a long history in the field of mental illness I still cannot come to a full understanding of why people develope certain behaviors.
My mother is the queen of passive aggressive (pa) behavior. I haven't eaten, so even though I have told her that I will do the dishes in an attempt to get her out of our very small kitchen, she diddles around, rinsing the dishes like there is no tomorrow. Yet when I am not in a hurry to get into the kitchen she leaves her dishes unrinsed in the sink.
So when we go somewhere, I like the radio on pretty loud, I know she hates it. It's not like we are going to have any earth shattering conversation so why shouldn't one of us be more comfortable. So I have learned (pa) from my mother and use it on her despite the fact that I know it will not change how she approaches things.
I am hopeful that this is not some sort of genetic thing and that I can avoid making my daughter's life the hell my mother has made mine. Seeing my mother's life is painful at times. The best thing she ever did was to have kids. I consider myself and my sister to be her best projects, both of my brothers suffered mental illness (I think I mentioned in an earlier post that my parents were 1st cousins). Otherwise her days were filled with Bingo, game shows and soap operas. I wonder at times if she was really satisified with her life.
I wish I was in better shape but overall I am happy with my life. I have a great career, friends who truly love me, a daughter who is talented and loved in her own strong persona. I am proud of the effect that I have had on those I have dealt with in life. I feel like I have made a contribution to the world around me. I hope I have.
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2 comments:
sometimes you're selfless to a fault. meme can get pretty out of hand sometimes and having deep conversations have never been her strong points. in terms of genetics, I think my fear of confrontation comes in part from her. i remember trying to talk to her about something important once and she got up and went to the bathroom to puke. nice
She does the puking thing to controll her situation. Very poor way of doing so.
Having the job I have now has made it necessary for me to learn to confront more than I have in the past.
I love Pat dearly but her lack of confrontational skills makes her a lesser boss. She allows somethings to get pretty far out of hand.
Sometimes avoiding a situation (ie; grandma) is the only way to deal with something because you must have something there for your comments to relfect back from.
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