I miss my cat more....

than my children. Yeah, she actually said that to the nurse at La Mesa Special Care as she was settling in. You would think that I would have developed a tougher hide by now. I know I am never going to make her truly happy but to actually say something like that.....course using the plural puts her male children in the same boat as us girls, not something that we have seen before.

The daily lists have begun, do this, bring me that. At home she can't make a decision about flavors of Hot Pocket's when asked, but put her in a nursing home and BAM! The boss has returned. My friends think this is a vacation for me.....not exactly. I have some freedom but those daily visits are excrutiating and angst ridden.

Both Pat and I cringed as mom talked about her roommate while we were all in the same room together, guess she thinks everyone is hard of hearing. I can't wait for my week in Sacramento!!

Life's a B--ch

So right now my right foot is being cleaned by dog tongue........ that is the good part of the day. Mabel/Mom managed to get admitted to the hospital after our Saturday night ER visit. They have decided that she did not have osteomyelitis (I could see that from the start) and she does have "atrial fibrillation" but she not symptomatic with it. Giving her the standard Coumadin treatment would be more risk that benefit with her fall risk. So she has stayed in the hospital long enough to qualify for a Medidcare stay but does she have enough health issues?? Once there, can we get her on Medi-Cal so that her stay would be "till the end"? I highly doubt she will be able to maintain an independent mobility (modified as it is) even after some PT and truthfully I think she might be ready to just quit, it is always hard to tell. I spoke to the doctor today but not to the case manager, who is responsible for placement and discharge planning. I am sitting on pins and needles waiting for that, hoping for the best scenario.

Through all this I am also starting my new job with Licensing and Certification Department of the state of California. What great timing!! As if trying to plan for the care of your elderly parent is not enough stress, I need to learn all this new stuff and look forward to traveling to Sacramento one week a month for the next three months!

I am normally quite adept at change but this is a heavy load.

Grocery Shopping for Hot Pockets......

For me a Saturday Morning trip to Trader Joe's is really great. I peruse the shelves and make some decisions about what I want to eat for the week. The selections are very nice and allow me to create delicious meals with ease.

But grocery shopping is simply not a simple task. It is laced with strife and anxiety as I seek out the perfect sized bananas, not too green, not too ripe, not too big. You see I have power to make the grocery stores carry exactly the size and color banana that Mabel wants. Today's list has directions on the size of the box of "Hot Pockets"......not what variety she might like.....pepperoni pizza? Chicken and Broccoli?? Maybe some ham and cheese?? I am almost sure that beef varieties have been shot down previously with the multiple underlining of NO BEEF! So I tell her she will get what ever size box they have but it would be more helpful to know what varieties she likes best, she goes on again about the damn size of the box!!

I know she still hates me for telling her to stop washing the dishes but I am happier having a cleaner kitchen and less scratches all over my cabinets. It's not like she is ever going to treat me like one of her precious sons. My sister, Joan, and I were always just below regard. Now I am the only one left, she is stuck with me, and I with her.

The Sun

There is enough written information on the sun, the worship of the sun, the effects of the sun, etc, etc, into infinity. Still, with all we know of it, it can stop you in your steps when it highlights the beauty that exists in this world.

Most of life's most poignant moments are never captured on film, some are impossible to view that way, they must remain in the minds eye. As I entered the shadowy area of the park today I glanced down and saw the way this light and delicate grass shone in the sun that was coming through spaces in the trees. It was like silver tear drops waving softly, so ethereal. As my gaze wandered up, the tiny insects caught the rays, sparkling for a moment or two like their lightning bug cousins back east. They danced through fine, yet strong as steel threads of spider strings, not webs, just the long strings they use to get from one tree or bush to the next. They shone and undulated, catching and losing the glow from the sun intermittently.

It is no wonder so many have worshiped the sun over the years, without it the world is a cold and drab place.