My Special Place

Whenever I do a little project based on my Itlay trip I just feel so much better. Today I am working on incorporating the Ottobre from the Italian calendar I got for Christmas last year into a floating frame with some Italy pics. I have chosen some of my favorites....

Catharsis

I worked all day to day. I walked the dog, cleaned mom's room while she ate breakfast. I cleaned my room and sorted through the remainder of vaction stuff and things I just hadn't put away (for months). I did gardening and got Christmas stuff in all while cooking a mini-Thanksgiving feast. I changed the tennis balls on her walker like she asked. So when I am finally resting (we are talking like 8p!) I see that she has left the light on by the door and the door to her room is open. See, the manger that my wonderful brother Matt built was on the kitchen table so I was suppose to know that she was ready for it. So I bring it in and leave it for her to settle, closing the door on my way out and go back to try to rest....
Yeah! Fat chance! She comes out wanting me to fix the wires. I am really pooped but I go in and go to look at it...is it unplugged? No but it's off, it's ok. Yeah, I am going to trust that statement! So I said that I needed it unplugged and that she wasn't going to get rid of me that way! Manipulation starts and poor pitiful me, I tell her she can get Hank to fix it because now I am tired and pissed. All is quiet until she comes out for her water run. Crying away "you hurt me when you say things like that". No matter how many things I do right and good, there will always be one more thing that did not work out but will stand out over and above all the rest. I should also say that when I brought the Christmas stuff in I was met with the "I didn't think I'd see that again". I know that she is aware of the fact that I am tired and that she uses that to manipulate my reactions, she loves conflict and she will just keep at me until she gets it.
This is a woman caught in no man's land. She says she is ready to die but when we go to the hospital she says she wants everything done to prolong her life. She's made the choice to sit and wait for death, choosing to not participate in life. She watches other live their lives. She wants something I cannot give her, I hope she someday finds her happiness. I hope I can last......

Basking in the warm glow..

I watched "Under the Tuscan Sun", "It's a beautiful life" and travel shows galore. Being in Italy was so different though. The beauty of the land and people, the kindness and simplicity of life there. It allows you to be so much more grounded. I am not saying that it is perfect, there is graffiti, plumbing and modern conveniences may be lacking, traffic can be crazy. Jeesica put is best when she commented on the confidence of the Italian women. They were not all stunningly beautiful but they were confident in the way they walked, in how they talked to their boyfriends and friends. Lots of the Italians are that way, they simply enjoy living everyday. I don't believe that (many) Americans understand confidence and that is why we have road rage, domestic violence and a number of ills here. There is that constant need to out do the neighbor, to get ahead. We are in a competition to nowhere.

Holidays

Holidays are great for the purpose of time off. I fully enjoyed my vacation but if I were free, I would so take off on a road trip this weekend. Hell, Sammie and I could sleep in the Prius if necessary and finding places to eat and taking some easy food is a piece of cake. But I will be good daughter and cook some sort of turkey stuff. I have had no meat for sometime, except for an occaisonal thin slice of proscuito or crumble of pancetta over my flat bread pizza. Don't really think I want a traditional turkey fest either, not ready to move too far away from the Italian Style...well maybe some sushi!

Trash

When I was in Italy, with the exception of The Napoli Trash Wars, it was fairly clean. It has struck me upon my return home that everyplace is subject to trash here. People regularly trash the beaches, hiking trails will have soda and beer cans, bar wrappers, streets. It is everywhere.

This was brought about by a single piece of white trash on the freeway heading out to Bonnie's this morning. It is part of the American psyche, nothing is our fault and we are responsible for nothing. In Italy I saw people cleaning "their space", taking pride in what they presented to the world. I am not saying that everything was pristine but it was a whole lot more pleasant.

Bird(s) on a Wire

I have a fascination for birds and their behavior regarding sunset and sunrise. These guys are waiting for the sunrise. Many times all will be facing the arriving or departing sun, never less that 75-80% though. Are they worshiping it? Is it to heat the front of their bodies? Why do they face the sun as it comes and goes?

A job well done

I am finished with one phase of my post trip clean-up. I will soon start my next phase. Thank goodness for coupons and Cost Plus. Although Mary gave me a photo album for my birthday, this one is me.

Happiness

A Friend of mine had been perusing our trip pics and said that she thought Jessica had never looked happier. I think October was a very happy month for all of us!!

Self Preservation

Being in Italy and setting up my Flickr account made me realize that there is plenty right here to show people. So I started my San Diego file on Flickr. I hope to add pics regularly and let people see my home through some different eyes. It may save my sanity.
There is a Di Vinci thing at a museum in Palm Springs, nice day trip I think, but I have some work to do first....

Cruel Intentions

I try to give her the benefit of the doubt but there are days when it just doesn't fly. I made a great meal, roasted veggie gratin, yellow beans w/butter, sweet potato gnocchi with a gorganzolla cream sauce. After that Mabel says "oh that Noreen is great, she sees everything".....Noreen had noticed that she had finished an open can of Ensure, and "opened the one on the shelf". There is a can of Ensure on the shelf. I was supposed to know that meant I was to open it. I informed her that I work with people who cannot communicate and that she is not one of them. She was about to go into her "I'm such a burden" martyr crap but I think I must have had a look because she stopped and muttered something else. I turned and kept doing the dishes, she went to her room.

I hate that all of this can still send me into a crying jag. It isn't right for a grown woman to treat her daughter like this, notes and innuendos instead of a pleasant, would you mind, I could use a little help with..... I feel like a horrible person when I think that the only way that I am free is for her to die, but one of us has to go and I really have a lot more that I want to do here.

Long ago and far away...

It seems like forever ago that I was in Italy. Work has invaded my being, it is more difficult to retain the Italian lifestyle, why can't I have wine with lunch!! I want an afternoon rest and late dinner!! (ok I can still have Limoncello and chocolate but the chocolate wont last forever!)

The Week

It has been a week plus a day since my return. Some one asked "how is it to be back in civilization?" I was taken aback and answered quite truthfully that I thought it was the other way around. I have had mexican food twice and sushi once. I am continuing the late Italian meal habit as well as wine with dinner (damn American rules) and Limoncello to help with digestion.
I have finished uploading my pics to flickr/debcolomb and printed out a few including some larger shots to replace some non-personal pics in my living room. I miss seeing the kids everyday and get mildly irritated by my mother like usual.
I think the Italians have life so right. I wish it could catch on over here.

Aftermath

The trip is over with. Now comes hours of reviewing and posting pictures. Not unpleasant as it refreshes memories and feelings but time consuming. Everyone wants stories and what is your favorite.....

I was working on a favorites page in my little travel book. Best Shower (other than J&G house was The Carlton in London...odd but really good. GiraSole was the best bed (other than J&G house). GiraSole and The City Guest House in Rome were my favorite away from home stays. GiraSole for the vineyards, the beautiful rooms and setting. City for the view of the aquaduct and the rooftop breakfast. My favorite churches were Siena and Santa Croce. There was no way to choose best pizza, pasta, meal, seafood...each was different and wonderful. Best bread was La Lanterna but I would not want it every day...I could take the bread from Ribot everyday.

And so I sit, here in La Mesa, eating truffle pecorino and honey while my flat bread pizza bakes. My mother tells me that the dog often had an empty dish while I was gone and wants to know if I am buying some more CostCo chicken and tuna. I ask her what the real question is and she of course does that Huh! thing, knowing full well what her intention is. We manage to get to the point using behavioral interventions learned at work. I don't care what happened here and I would leave again tomorrow if I had all the money in the world. Mabel would be placed in a nice retirement home in Vermont and I would be free.

But for now I cook semi-Italian meals and have my Limoncello and chocolate and re-live my wonderful vacation.

Thank you to Jessica and Greg for the best 3 weeks of my life!